Sunday, February 26, 2017

Letters 512: A Reflection of You

"As I see it, you are living with something that you keep hidden deep inside."

- Haruki Murakami (1Q84, 2009)


To whom I haven't met yet,

              Being mindful of blessings brings many bonuses along the way in my life. Even a simple walk at the mall today with my mother when I came back from work early enough makes me feels like heaven. Somehow someway, surely these are good reasons to be happy. 

            I am often asked whether I have a time to enjoy my life without thinking about work or family? I am most thankful that I have compared to others at my age. For some mid 20's guys, work took away their happiness & their joy until can no longer embrace their loved one. In fact, the free time never returned well until their 40's. People do not understand that real happiness is not about owning material things. This kind of mentality divides us into the haves & have-not. For me the definition of happiness comes from appreciating what we have, for example, our family, our friends & our other half of the sky.

             But not everything in my life is perfect. Few days ago, on 22nd of February, I almost withdraw into solitude. In fact, it was a day when I openly wept on the floor of the General Hospital wishing that my mother will be fine & win her battle. I looked into the contact list in my mobile phone, to find anyone to share about my feeling. But it was not easy to share because I broke down a number of times. There were plenty of hugs by nurses & I have never seen so many girls crying next to a grown man like me.

             Dear hummingbird, those were not the tears of despair. Rather, they were tears of hope & expectation. The nurses could see that while i was understandably emotional, there was still the inner happiness that radiated outwards the moment doctors said everything is fine with her. Apart from the assurance that God is watching us from above, I knew that my mother will never be alone in battle with her heart problem.  

              As I mentioned in my previous letter for you, perhaps I lost my personal battle to change her mind. Perhaps I make a mistake somewhere along the line leading to the fateful day that caused me to see walls being put up by her instead of bridges being built. But generally, I am happy for her. To see she lived up her life to the fullest silently from here, the little heart in me can assure you that I am fine with the wall. 

               Until then, have yourself a wonderful day somewhere out there. 


p.s

In 512 letters I dedicated to you, the beauty you see in me is actually a reflection of you. 


For the other half of the sky,

The Half Moon Serenades.
26th of February 2017.

Sunday, February 19, 2017

Letters 511: Sparrowly Love

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly the essential invisible to the eyes."

- Antoine de Saint- Exupery (The Little Prince, 1943)


To whom I haven't met yet, 

           I am thankful for the many humble moments in my life. Day by day, it reminds me that the simplest thing often have the greatest value & the best of joy. Each morning as I put on my shoes before I leave for work, I prayed in my heart to God so that He can give me the power to help those less confident to navigate through the hardest part of their life.

           Dear hummingbird, not everything about life is full of high notes. I have been struggling with a number of inconveniences this week, at work place & private life. There are times when I feel like giving up because I do not seem to be able to help my client & at the same time, I went down with flu & chronic all over my mouth. But those hard moments pass when I remind myself that it is possible to get through even the darkest night when one has the light of hope shining within.

           In two months time, I will be one year older. People said as our age added up, we will sit back & watch life happen to other people. To be honest, I am not that kind of person. I viewed myself as someone who just wants to know things, feel things & understand things. You know, the kind of person who can't even close their eyes for a second for fear of missing it.

           For the past three months, I shared with you every week about my efforts in courting someone. Unfortunately, I did not have any good news to share with you as things clearly did not get any better. Silence I discover is something that I can actually hear. If I knew it gonna be like this, I might reconsider the decision to be honest & opening up. But it happens. I fell for someone & I decided to let her know about it. I guess time is the only answer for her silence.       

            Until then, wherever you are in this world, always remember that the only limits for tomorrow are the doubts you have today. You will be my angel one day, someday. Have a wonderful weekend there.


p.s

All endings are also beginnings. We just do not know it all the time.


For the other half of the sky,

The Half Moon Serenades.
19th of February 2017.      

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Letters 510: A Time to Love

"I I could dream at all, it would be about you."

- Stephenie Meyer (Twilight, 2005)


To whom I haven't met yet,

           Today is 14th of February, popularly known worldwide as Valentine's Day. Those of us who without other half may not fully appreciate the beauty of a bouquet of roses, but it is really true that on this day, love shines brightest in the dark. 

           Love is not all sunshine. There are times when we feel like we are walking through very dark alleys. Today, as I opened the newspaper at my office, I saw a piece of news regarding one husband having extra-marital relationship with a secondary school girl while his wife was on confinement period. Sad right? Some guys in this world did not how to show appreciation to their wife who gave birth to their offspring. At times like this, I believe it is only natural that his wife yearn to see the light of love for one more time.

           Dear hummingbird, I have, in the past 4 years, felt like I was walking through a very dark alley with no end in sight. I thought of giving up in finding you. But life is full of miracles. It is always when I am at the lowest ebb that something invariably happens. Few months ago, I opened up my feelings to someone. It was a huge relieve for me. I told her about things that I wanted to share with you for quite sometimes. Many a story shared may not be remembered by her today but they are the stories that truly matter. 

            There are times when I felt it will be a useless thing to do. It is like an ordinary sparrow going head to head with the majestic eagles that soars above everyone. But I am thankful for the many humbling silence from her lately. They are reminder to me that simplest confession often came with turbulence response but deep in the heart, it also bring the greatest joy. 

            These are experience that add new perspectives & feed the soul. It added strength & teach me to count my blessing by loving others. Until the day arrived, I will continue my journey in search of you. I wish you nothing but the best in your life wherever you are in this world.


p.s

The heart is not like a box that gets filled up. It expands in the size the more I loved you.


For the other half of the sky,

The Half Moon Serenades.
14th of February 2017.
           

Thursday, February 9, 2017

Letters 509: Trial & Sorrow

"People say that eyes are windows to the soul."

- Khaled Hosseini (The Kite Runner, 2003)


To whom I haven't met yet,

           Few days ago, I took the elderly cleaner at my office for a quick lunch at the newly opened Japanese restaurant at The Top. It was unplanned lunch as early in the morning, I overheard the conversation between her & another cleaner about her upcoming birthday outing with eldest son. 

           Over the next hour, we chatted about almost everything. It was a wonderful eye-opening experience. The irony of it all was that this old lady had been the cleaner at my place for the past two years & I had no time to treat her for a lunch other than simple hello even though she was the first person I would meet the moment I stepped into the office. 

           On the other hand, yesterday I went to the shelter home with a big cheesecake to celebrate one of the orphan birthday. Halfway there, I accidentally dropped that cheesecake on the seat of my car. Well, as there was no other alternative, I went to Starbucks & purchased a new cheesecake, doubled the price. The girl requested for a new shirt but I ended buying four new shirts for her (blame it on my lack of shopping skills).
          
           Anyway hummingbird, in the noon, few clients asked me to accompany them for karaoke session in Queensbay Mall. They even put RM 1000 on the table with a bet that I can't belt out the song without looking at the lyrics. But little that they know I actually can & they ended poorer by RM 1000. It is not a lot of money but I do not mind belting out rap songs too if they doubled up the bet. 

            About her, saying those words actually turned out to be a wonderful diversion in the journey of my life. To be honest, whether she will respond to the words or simply ignoring it does not matter as for me, my main hope is that she lived her life to the fullest wherever she ended up one day. But of course, sometimes we chatted a lot too. She mentioned about how bored she is with her current life. All I can say to her is to be patience & let the life color itself. I liked her, all of her. Her flaws, her mistakes, her silly questions, her imperfections. I wish that she will never stop believing in herself.

            Until then, have yourself a wonderful life out there. 


p.s

Always remember, behind every trial & sorrow, He makes us stronger. God always have a reason.


You will be the apple of my eyes,

The Half Moon Serenades.
9th of February 2017.

Saturday, February 4, 2017

Letters 508: Of Journey, Hope & Love

"Some birds are not meant to be caged."

- Stephen King (Rita Hayworth & the Shawshank Redemption, 1982)


To whom I haven't met yet, 

              For me, everyone needs a break once in awhile. The basic understanding is that people who are less stressed are healthier, happier & livelier. Well, I am not sure whether everyone shared the sentiment with me, but I reckon that all of us can actually have a long break if we try harder. 

               Each time I asked my colleagues to get away for recharge, they will always give me tonnes of excuses. Yours truly here however is completely a different person from them. At least one month in a year, I will take a month long break from the work & go on vacation in places around Malaysia or if God permitted, any countries in this world. Occasionally during my trip, I get a chance to talk to strangers. I heard stories from there, some is a joy to listen, but mostly a heart-breaking one.

                Indeed my hummingbird, life is all about making choices. We may occasionally make the wrong turns. I did tonnes of wrong turns in my life. But I take those detours as useful lessons until my life truly enriched with positiveness. I guess the secret to living in a busy world is to slow down & make time for ourselves. I am thankful for all those trips that I did for the past few years.

                  Currently I am in pursuit of happiness. In fact things in picking up quite faster that I expected in business. Not a single day passed by without me saying thank you to the Power above for making things easier day in day out. Hopefully everything will be just fine through the year of 2017. 

                   Talking about hope, I can only wish that the girl I currently courted remain hopeful in her life. I know it is not easy for people at her age to make life changing decision. But I hope she embrace the reality that every day is a new beginning. I believe if she put a high hope in her life, she will see that everything is not so hopeless after all. It is like when we looks at things with our heart & not just with our eyes or hearsay from others, a different picture emerges. In case you ever stumbled upon this paragraph (I believe you know who you are), never give up & follow your heart in making decision, will you? :)

                     Until then, put in your heart the fact that all this 508 letters was in fact, part of a journey in search of you. Only when we can love in tough times then we will able to love in good times.


p.s

I wish the best of life for you, without asking for anything, but to be okay. That is love that I found in my heart.


Yours truly,

The Half Moon Serenades.

4th of February 2017.