Friday, April 28, 2017

Letters 524: The Constant Change

"God's voice is usually nothing more than a whisper & you have to listen very carefully to hear it."

- Nicholas Sparks (The Last Song, 2008)


To whom I haven't met yet,

           I am writing this blog entry from the corner of CIMB Bank branch in Prangin Mall. It's been a long time since I went into a bank in this modern era of online banking. 

           It is still relatively quiet although I can imagine how it will be like in the next few minutes when the lunch time going to start. As I looked at the passers by, I am reminded about the hard moments I had growing up in a poor family. In those hard days, the poor me would just sit down outside the bank on a bench & look up at the customers withdrawing their money, which was occasionally punctuated by sounds of luxury cars arriving at the entrance. 

           Dear hummingbird, it has been said that the only constant is change. I often wonder how this poor boy can change into someone with a good life today? But I have to come to terms with the fact that it is not only because of hard work, it is the constant gratefulness to God that brought me to this much better level. 

            Few days ago, the girl of my heart asked me whether everything I did for her is worth the time & effort as she felt that she did nothing for me all this while. The truth here is I was ordinary in a world that loved the extraordinary her. I loved her, it was as simple as that. All the cookies I baked, the chocolates that I bought, the positive messages I sent, even the compensation money that I paid when she involved in an accident, I did it not only because I loved her. It was more of being there when she needed me. Lately, she was unhappy about something I regretfully said to her. But despite all those unhappiness, it doesn't make me love her any less. Sometimes, it makes me love her more. 

             God's presence was everywhere, at all times & was experienced by everyone at one time of another. I felt it & I will continue to believe in miracles. Until then, have yourself a wonderful weekend.



p.s

I overshot a little because I was aiming at just enough to keep you in my heart.


For the other half of the sky,

The Half Moon Serenades.
28th of April 2017.

Friday, April 21, 2017

Letters 523: The Birthday

"I'm different from you but this doesn't make me love you any less because it actually makes me love you more."

- Samantha (Her, 2013)


To you whom I haven't met yet, 

         Everyday, I liked to drop by the orphanage for children with disabilities. You see, they come in all shapes, colors& smiles. You just have to be among them to appreciate what true love is all about. Few minutes ago, I took all the sofas available in the orphanage & built a makeshift fort for them to play the war games. I even transformed my arms into a handmade telescope. Talk about creativity right?

          In my life, I choose to look out for the rainbow in the middle of searing sun & the dark clouds. For the past one week, I celebrated my birthday in a big way even though the exact date was yesterday. I bought a total of 110 boxes of Domino's Pizza for the beggars, unfortunate ones & students.  At the same time, I bought tonnes of ice cream, chocolates & whatever foods you named it to people closest to me. It makes me happy to see them smile & said their thankfulness. Some of them even bought a chocolate cake for me! There was a time when I gave a slice of Aloha Chicken pizza to an old lady at the bus stop in front of KOMTAR in the middle of the night. She was so happy because she never ate a pizza since 20 years ago. She told me tonnes of stories from her life. 

           But in the middle of the story telling sessions, she asked me something. Have you met anyone in your life? If she asked me around this date last year, I would have laugh my ass out but this time, I told her 'maybe'.

           Dear hummingbird, did you remember about the girl I mentioned in previous letter? Well, she surprised me few days ago with a wonderful gift that I am not at a liberty to mention here. She looks a bit sad when I told her about the gift but the truth is her gift is the one I cherished the most apart from the one given by my mother. I gave her a bag full of chocolates in return plus cookies that I baked the day before. I suspected that the cookies makes her suffering from sore throat. But she liked it after all. So, in conclusion, yours truly here is a good baker (maybe next time I will bake her something much better). *cross fingers*

            I guess that is all I can tell you about my birthday week this year. I hope one day, I will get the chance to celebrate with you in person. I just have to believe it. Until then, have yourself a blessed week. 


p.s

To give love to everyone around me is like to receive a glimpse of heaven.

p.s s

You are the night that I want.


Yours truly, 

The Half Moon Serenades.
21st of April 2017. 

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Letters 522: Of Faith & Blessing

"There is always something left to love."

- Gabriel Garcia Marquez (One Hundred Years of Solitude, 1967)


To whom I haven't met yet,

           It is easy to let our mind deceive & urge us on to pursue what the world considers desirable. Honestly, I was one of the victim of my own mind before. But when I start looking at things with my heart, a whole different image emerges. 

           Few days ago, I was in my office room & browsing through some old books. One of the book that caught my attention was my own journal from the year 2009 while I was on the treatment for the neck tumor. This has been a journey both of faith & blessing. Faith because God has been there during my treatment. He has seen me through, ensuring I do not suffer much from the treatment with His presence. These to me are already His miracles & I can only praise Him for His faithfulness all the time.

           Dear hummingbird, I have learned over time to count my blessings in the present without projecting much into the future & to appreciate things for the true value. I can choose to be angry when something bad occurred in my life. But each time, I choose to remind myself of the many wonderful blessings that God constantly gave me & for that I believe I do belong here.

          Anyway, this week, I will be celebrating my birthday. Each year, I pledged foods for the unfortunate beggars on the street, old folks at retirement home, kids at the orphanage & people around me. So far, I bought 87 boxes of Domino's Pizzas for everyone, out of 100 boxes that I pledged. I hope God will be kind me as I need to donate another 13 boxes before my birthday this coming Thursday. Cross fingers on that miracles.

         Talking about the girl that I mentioned in my previous letters, few days ago I chatted with her about life & death matters. Quite frankly, she is the kinda girl that talked without thinking twice. For her death means an opportunity to walk in heaven with Him. Now I am not afraid of dying but the part where she mentioned what if one day she died first, what will I do for her is the one that makes me scared. Granted, I might not be someone important in her life but the moment I saw that messages popped up in my Messenger, my mind was like please do not let it happen my God. I did not said this because I loved her but I said this because I felt the world gonna be at the losing end if someone as wonderful as her left the world too little too early. But hopefully whatever she said was another cruel jokes from her. If you ever read this, I hope you remember that somewhere over here, my heart is praying for your well-being, always.

         Until then, have a wonderful weekend wherever you are my hummingbird. I will not give up too fast on you.



p.s

I miss you.


Au Destin,

The Half Moon Serenades.
15th of April 2017. 

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Letters 521: All At Once

"Love is keeping the promise anyway."

- John Green (The Fault in Our Stars, 2012)


To whom I haven't met,

        I have openly shared my life journey because writing is a wonderful therapy for me. We each have our own definition of beautiful life. For instance, some love to remain quiet behind the scene living in their own world while others are partial to share it with the world with a hope that it will inspire some wandering souls out there.

         Yesterday, I went to an old folks home in Kepala Batas to distribute 20 boxes of Domino's Pizza for the residents there as part of my annual birthday week routine. You just need to be here to see this moment. Some of them never tasted pizza in their life. Their 'first time' reaction is priceless. In simple words, love made visible.

          Dear hummingbird, there was a unique tree located at the compound of the old folks home. I stood staring at the tree for a good 10 minutes trying to make sense of the way they trimmed the branches. But I am sorry to say that I didn't do it very well. It was one of those contemporary tree with one bald patch on one side of the tree while another part is full of leaves. But it was a beautiful kind of tree. This tree gave me a good laugh.

           But it also reminded me that I should appreciate life in the present & open my eyes to the beauty that lies around me. Perhaps from a lone tree growing in the crack of the sidewalk of the sunsets with a breathtaking palette of green on one side.

           Sometimes, I, too get pushed along by the currents of life. Thankfully, I have managed to step aside every once in awhile & stop to stand & stare. My reward for those moments of stillness has truly been great. I have seen an old couple walked hand in hand while going on a jog at Penang Botanical Gardens. I have seen a pair of hummingbird in courtship outside of the windows at my office. 

           As previously mentioned in my letters, I am courting a wonderful girl at the moment. I am thankful for everyday since that day 5 months ago when I first opened up about my feelings. I knew way before that this will be one hard journey. Other guys might take a few weeks of courtship to win a girl's heart, but people like me might take a few years to get it. But she is one of the best person I ever met. She has 1000 different smiles that can light up your life just like that. Well, I tried everything, except telling her face to face about it. One thing for sure, I found my strength in courting her.  

           I have to believe. That I deserve one. Because we all do. 


p.s

I know not what lies ahead but if there is tonnes of wishes I can make for my birthday next week, one of that will an opportunity to sincerely tell her the reflections in my heart. Maybe all at once.  



For the other half of the sky,

The Half Moon Serenades.

11th of April 2017.

Friday, April 7, 2017

Letters 520: Carpe Diem!

"If you think God's there, He is."

- Haruki Murakami (Kafka on the Shore, 2002)


To whom I haven't met yet,

         The distinctive purple frame of my conversation window with her in Messenger is like a window to the world. Occasionally, she will change my nickname to 'Monalisa' while putting weird name like 'I ate half of your cookies' as her own nickname. 

          But last night, she found herself drowned inside a world full of uncertainties. Instead of being the window to the world, I turned the conversation into a heartfelt all- out confessions room for two hours. Lately, I found myself courting a girl (her) whom often feel defeated even before she start because of her surrounding. The problems seem so big & insurmountable. 

          I did not blame her. It is part of our human nature to have such feeling.  We feels good when we managed to overcome bad patch & it is even better when we do all this without drawing another problem along the way. The moment I saw her stressful messages, I told myself that in time like this, it will be better if I remained silent & let her voices out her unhappiness.

          However, the truth is I could not remain silent. How can I remain silent when a girl of my dream is going through bad patch in her life? I told her to stop trying her best to fit into the mold of this high pressure world. I told her she should believe in God. Believe that God haven't finish with her & she destined for a greater height in life. Now I am not sure whether she took it with open heart or not, but I hope she did.

           She is not only a great girl that I currently courting, she is a friend too. I did not have the opportunity to tell her this face to face. But if you ever read this, I want you to remember, if you seek to measure success by what the world tells you, you will be forever living in a catch-up game that offers no real peace for what you truly are. You will end up doing things to please others but not yourself. 

           The real carpe diem is not measured by how it is showcased to the world. It cannot be measured in an earthly manners. It is about being there, trying your best to achieve your own dream. Granted, the whole world may not know about it, but you do. As does the Power above.

            Carpe diem, S.

p.s

If you fall behind, run faster. Never give up, never surrender & rise against the odds.


Yours truly, 

The Half Moon Serenades.

7th of April 2017. 




Saturday, April 1, 2017

Letters 519: Pinky Promise

"The town was paper but the memories were not."

- John Green (Paper Town, 2008)


To whom I haven't met yet,

           Facebook greeted me in the morning by showing memories from 2007, my first blog entry. For me, coincidence happens once in a blue moon. But apparently Facebook can even read about my life right from the bottom. 

           Few days back, I finally found the courage to watch the Korean drama, 'Autumn in My Heart' after I watched it halfway in 2011. I told everyone that I was too free but the fact is I am not. This drama reminded me of someone so close to me who wasn't here anymore which I mentioned in my first blog entry too in 2007. 

           I lived in lonely neighborhood where two houses connected to each other & the next twinning house was 300m away. Right from kindergarten to primary school, she was the only friend I ever had in that area. We played together (the age where smart gadgets haven't existed). My first blog entry was about me deceiving her to get some beautiful marbles (aptly titled The Marbles). She was cute just like the girl in the drama because each time we played 'scissors, paper, stone', I won it because she always chose paper first (then asking me is it a magic?).


         We drifted apart as I moved to other place while in Form 1, she went to St George's (all girls school). There was no communication until Form 5 when she visited my school to promote something about her school activity (Canteen Day maybe). It wasn't love at first sight. But that day was the happiest day of our life I guess (social media is not popular at the moment).

         Anyway, we turned into peas & carrots again. Up until she met a guy & I found my first love. Slowly we stopped our close relationship due to our other half insistence. The next thing I knew, she ended up in hospital around 2010 due to diabetic complication. By that time, both of us is not in love with anyone anymore. I was there for her right till she died on the bed.

         Few days before that, she asked me why I didn't approved her in Facebook? I was speechless. She even mentioned she followed all my blog entries & read how I was close to giving up (she was the one who posted comment anonymously).

         Last week, I told myself I will not write anymore after 11 years but then I promised her that I will until I met someone. I guess this is one way Facebook reminding me about promise.

        Pinky promise is a valid one. So I think I will continue writing again. This is the first time I opened up about her. I wish could turn back the time because she actually liked me but things happened.

        I let her go (that one photo of us was lost when I moved to new house). But I will continue the writing.


p.s 

Sometimes things become possible if we want them bad enough.


For the other half of the sky,

The Half Moon Serenades.

1st of April 2017.