Sunday, February 26, 2017

Letters 512: A Reflection of You

"As I see it, you are living with something that you keep hidden deep inside."

- Haruki Murakami (1Q84, 2009)


To whom I haven't met yet,

              Being mindful of blessings brings many bonuses along the way in my life. Even a simple walk at the mall today with my mother when I came back from work early enough makes me feels like heaven. Somehow someway, surely these are good reasons to be happy. 

            I am often asked whether I have a time to enjoy my life without thinking about work or family? I am most thankful that I have compared to others at my age. For some mid 20's guys, work took away their happiness & their joy until can no longer embrace their loved one. In fact, the free time never returned well until their 40's. People do not understand that real happiness is not about owning material things. This kind of mentality divides us into the haves & have-not. For me the definition of happiness comes from appreciating what we have, for example, our family, our friends & our other half of the sky.

             But not everything in my life is perfect. Few days ago, on 22nd of February, I almost withdraw into solitude. In fact, it was a day when I openly wept on the floor of the General Hospital wishing that my mother will be fine & win her battle. I looked into the contact list in my mobile phone, to find anyone to share about my feeling. But it was not easy to share because I broke down a number of times. There were plenty of hugs by nurses & I have never seen so many girls crying next to a grown man like me.

             Dear hummingbird, those were not the tears of despair. Rather, they were tears of hope & expectation. The nurses could see that while i was understandably emotional, there was still the inner happiness that radiated outwards the moment doctors said everything is fine with her. Apart from the assurance that God is watching us from above, I knew that my mother will never be alone in battle with her heart problem.  

              As I mentioned in my previous letter for you, perhaps I lost my personal battle to change her mind. Perhaps I make a mistake somewhere along the line leading to the fateful day that caused me to see walls being put up by her instead of bridges being built. But generally, I am happy for her. To see she lived up her life to the fullest silently from here, the little heart in me can assure you that I am fine with the wall. 

               Until then, have yourself a wonderful day somewhere out there. 


p.s

In 512 letters I dedicated to you, the beauty you see in me is actually a reflection of you. 


For the other half of the sky,

The Half Moon Serenades.
26th of February 2017.

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