Thursday, May 18, 2017

Letters 528: Reasons

"Love looks not not with the eyes but with the mind."

- William Shakespeare (A Midsummer Night's Dream, 1595)


To whom I haven't met yet,

               I believe we are all sowers in every area of our life. From the home & the workplace to the heart of our other half of the sky. Even if we do not see the harvest or participate in the reaping, we are all playing a small part that will translate into the big picture one day. 

             The time with her yesterday was one of the moment I cherished the most in my recent memories. It was her smile, from the moment she opened the door of my car to the moment she sat next to me to the moment she opened her birthday gifts that lights up my day. I rarely post any photos of her in my social media but yesterday, I posted her photo for the first time after 6 months. She hated the photo because in her words, it was ugly. But little that she knows, I am loving it. 

             My love for her is not always the lovey-dovey that we see in movies or expressed through days like the 14th of February. Love is action. I just look at ordinary her doing extraordinary things every day & I fell for her because of her silly actions. I just want to walk the extra mile, share her unhappiness & sow the love in the midst of hatred. 
  
             Yesterday, I gave her a Daniel Wellington's Classic Black Sheffield watch, her dream watch. But this silly girl struggled to put on the strap because she was so afraid to bend the strap properly. Honestly, I laughed right next to her but when I looked again for the second times, I saw an angel of my heart at her silliest moment. I helped putting the strap & the moment she lifted up her hand to take a closer look, I fell in loved with her again. I even cooked her favorite food (tomyam) & gave her a bag full of chocolates.

             Dear hummingbird, I opened up my heart for the first time in 4 years to her. People kept saying how lucky this girl to have someone like me loved her. But in truth, I am the lucky one. They thought I was a dream guy for any girls out there but in truth, I considered myself lucky if there is anyone out there who liked me. 

             Lately, I finished tonnes of stuff at my work place. I hope for the next one week, I can enjoy my free time as much as I can before I accept the next job. Until then, wherever you are now, enjoy this life as much as you can.


p.s

Loving you is the reason for my trembling happiness, S.



For the other half of the sky,

The Half Moon Serenades.
18th of May 2017. 



Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Letters 527: Of God, Grateful & Love

"My mom says if somebody takes the time to write a letter, you should read it."

- Private Ben Yahzee (Windtalkers, 2002)


To whom I haven't met yet,

             It is that time of the year when I have to file my tax returns. No matter how busy I am currently, 15th of May 2017 is the deadline to do the e-filing. So here I am stuck in the Lembaga Hasil Dalam Negeri (IRB) waiting for my turn to get everything done. 

             Once in awhile, I still get the feeling that I am paying more than I should but being a good citizen, I just keep my mouth shut & pay accordingly. I have to be grateful that I earned enough to have to pay taxes. There are still many people around me who struggle to earn enough to make ends meet. They did not have the need to worry about paying taxes, but they need to worry about what they gonna eat tomorrow. For that, I am grateful to the Power above.

             Dear hummingbird, there is no pit so deep that God's love is not deeper. This one part of the message that the girl I previously mentioned in my letters sent to me last night. She read about a verse from the Holy Bible (Psalm 18:16) about how God's love is deeper no matter what problem we have in this world. I could not help but to agree with her wholeheartedly about it. In life, I suppose many of us have become so jaded that we choose to disbelieve in Him & people around who are trying to make a difference in our life. But it is good to sit down once in awhile & try to have a self reflection moment right? Anyway, this is one of the main reason why I loved her. She lights up the sky with her spontaneous messages every night.
    
              Today letter is a short one as I need to get myself a quick lunch before the meeting start in two hours. It will be a short meeting but I just want it to end as soon as possible. In the meantime, have yourself a wonderful day wherever you are in this world. 


p.s

Everyday of telling you that I loved you is indeed a bonus. Many stories we shared with each other may not be retold in the future. But it remain a part of me because it helped me to tell you that this is a love well lived, S.


For the other half of the sky,

The Half Moon Serenades.

9th of May 2017.


Friday, May 5, 2017

Letters 526: The Prayer

"Prayer is not asking, it is longing of the soul."

- Mahatma Gandhi


To whom I haven't met yet,

        There is a God, there always has been. I felt Him here in this orphanage as I typed this letter to you, in the eyes of the kids along the corridor of desperation. This is the real house of God, where those who have lost God will find Him. 

         Anyway, when I distributed boxes of pizzas to the beggars two ago for my birthday, I met a young couple with a little baby girl. As we talked, I asked them whether they need anything for their baby girl & I promised them that I will buy it the moment I cleared my work stuff. Well, today is the so called 'free day' for me. 

          I bought for this little angel few clothes, pairs of shoes & nutritious food. The funny part when I went to this this baby section in Parkson. I stood there for quite few minutes staring at tonnes of baby clothing. Do not get me wrong but I do not have any prior experiences. When the salesgirl approached, I told her it was for a baby girl & the moment she heard it, she laughed her lungs out because things in my hand was meant for baby boy. I am pretty sure I will never forget this silly moment, ever.

          Dear hummingbird, she was so happy last night. She told me about how she gave someone a shoulder to cry on & sent that someone a long paragraph as comforting words. I am proud & happy for what she did yesterday. This incident proved that she is the right one when I decided to open my heart for the first time in 4 years. It was definitely the night that I wanted. I talked wit her until 2.30 a.m. which is longer than usual. She shared about the day & I shared about mine. She did a commendable job in lighting up people's life. I told her to put God first, because when you put Him first, you will surely never be the last.

           Again, today letter is a short one. I wish I can write for you a long letter but I guess time is really jealous with us. Until then, I will pray that you will have a wonderful weekend there.


p.s

God has two dwellings, one in heaven, the other in a wonderful heart like you stwy.  


For the other half of the sky, 

The Half Moon Serenades.
5th of May 2017.
 

Monday, May 1, 2017

Letters 525: The Heart of A Stranger

"Even in hell there are moments when the light reaches you."

- Richard C. Morais (The Hundred-Foot Journey, 2008)


To whom I haven't met yet,
 
           There are many points in life when I cannot see what awaits me around the corner. It is precisely at such times when my path forward is unclear, I bravely kept my nerve, resolutely making my strength overpowering others as I march into the dark. 

           Few days ago, someone asked me why I distributed pizzas to the beggars on my birthday? Well, I told him because it makes me happy. I reached out even to strangers because every human being was important to me. For long after the beggars tears have stopped flowing, long after my act are forgotten, it is those acts of love that will live on forever.

           Dear hummingbird, you have to be out there to see & appreciate the real world. Even though I just met the beggars, they felt moved to pray for my health just because I gave them a slice of pizza. They held my hand & said the most wonderful prayer for me, a stranger just moments ago. 

           Anyway, last night I chatted with her. She asked me a simple yet meaningful question. What will I say to her if she was diagnosed with stage four cancer & in the brink of death? I told her that I will continue to win her heart. But the truth, I touched all wooden parts of my furniture praying that such horrible thing will never fall on her. You see, I love her. She is the best person I ever met in four years. I do not have the look or any physical asset to court her, but all I have is my time, my heart & my love.

            Today letter is a short one. Hopefully, I can write for you much longer letter in the future. Until then, have yourself a wonderful holiday. 


p.s

If I did anything right in my life this year, it was when I gave all my heart to court you, S.


Yours sincerely,

The Half Moon Serenades. 
1st of May 2017. 

Friday, April 28, 2017

Letters 524: The Constant Change

"God's voice is usually nothing more than a whisper & you have to listen very carefully to hear it."

- Nicholas Sparks (The Last Song, 2008)


To whom I haven't met yet,

           I am writing this blog entry from the corner of CIMB Bank branch in Prangin Mall. It's been a long time since I went into a bank in this modern era of online banking. 

           It is still relatively quiet although I can imagine how it will be like in the next few minutes when the lunch time going to start. As I looked at the passers by, I am reminded about the hard moments I had growing up in a poor family. In those hard days, the poor me would just sit down outside the bank on a bench & look up at the customers withdrawing their money, which was occasionally punctuated by sounds of luxury cars arriving at the entrance. 

           Dear hummingbird, it has been said that the only constant is change. I often wonder how this poor boy can change into someone with a good life today? But I have to come to terms with the fact that it is not only because of hard work, it is the constant gratefulness to God that brought me to this much better level. 

            Few days ago, the girl of my heart asked me whether everything I did for her is worth the time & effort as she felt that she did nothing for me all this while. The truth here is I was ordinary in a world that loved the extraordinary her. I loved her, it was as simple as that. All the cookies I baked, the chocolates that I bought, the positive messages I sent, even the compensation money that I paid when she involved in an accident, I did it not only because I loved her. It was more of being there when she needed me. Lately, she was unhappy about something I regretfully said to her. But despite all those unhappiness, it doesn't make me love her any less. Sometimes, it makes me love her more. 

             God's presence was everywhere, at all times & was experienced by everyone at one time of another. I felt it & I will continue to believe in miracles. Until then, have yourself a wonderful weekend.



p.s

I overshot a little because I was aiming at just enough to keep you in my heart.


For the other half of the sky,

The Half Moon Serenades.
28th of April 2017.

Friday, April 21, 2017

Letters 523: The Birthday

"I'm different from you but this doesn't make me love you any less because it actually makes me love you more."

- Samantha (Her, 2013)


To you whom I haven't met yet, 

         Everyday, I liked to drop by the orphanage for children with disabilities. You see, they come in all shapes, colors& smiles. You just have to be among them to appreciate what true love is all about. Few minutes ago, I took all the sofas available in the orphanage & built a makeshift fort for them to play the war games. I even transformed my arms into a handmade telescope. Talk about creativity right?

          In my life, I choose to look out for the rainbow in the middle of searing sun & the dark clouds. For the past one week, I celebrated my birthday in a big way even though the exact date was yesterday. I bought a total of 110 boxes of Domino's Pizza for the beggars, unfortunate ones & students.  At the same time, I bought tonnes of ice cream, chocolates & whatever foods you named it to people closest to me. It makes me happy to see them smile & said their thankfulness. Some of them even bought a chocolate cake for me! There was a time when I gave a slice of Aloha Chicken pizza to an old lady at the bus stop in front of KOMTAR in the middle of the night. She was so happy because she never ate a pizza since 20 years ago. She told me tonnes of stories from her life. 

           But in the middle of the story telling sessions, she asked me something. Have you met anyone in your life? If she asked me around this date last year, I would have laugh my ass out but this time, I told her 'maybe'.

           Dear hummingbird, did you remember about the girl I mentioned in previous letter? Well, she surprised me few days ago with a wonderful gift that I am not at a liberty to mention here. She looks a bit sad when I told her about the gift but the truth is her gift is the one I cherished the most apart from the one given by my mother. I gave her a bag full of chocolates in return plus cookies that I baked the day before. I suspected that the cookies makes her suffering from sore throat. But she liked it after all. So, in conclusion, yours truly here is a good baker (maybe next time I will bake her something much better). *cross fingers*

            I guess that is all I can tell you about my birthday week this year. I hope one day, I will get the chance to celebrate with you in person. I just have to believe it. Until then, have yourself a blessed week. 


p.s

To give love to everyone around me is like to receive a glimpse of heaven.

p.s s

You are the night that I want.


Yours truly, 

The Half Moon Serenades.
21st of April 2017. 

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Letters 522: Of Faith & Blessing

"There is always something left to love."

- Gabriel Garcia Marquez (One Hundred Years of Solitude, 1967)


To whom I haven't met yet,

           It is easy to let our mind deceive & urge us on to pursue what the world considers desirable. Honestly, I was one of the victim of my own mind before. But when I start looking at things with my heart, a whole different image emerges. 

           Few days ago, I was in my office room & browsing through some old books. One of the book that caught my attention was my own journal from the year 2009 while I was on the treatment for the neck tumor. This has been a journey both of faith & blessing. Faith because God has been there during my treatment. He has seen me through, ensuring I do not suffer much from the treatment with His presence. These to me are already His miracles & I can only praise Him for His faithfulness all the time.

           Dear hummingbird, I have learned over time to count my blessings in the present without projecting much into the future & to appreciate things for the true value. I can choose to be angry when something bad occurred in my life. But each time, I choose to remind myself of the many wonderful blessings that God constantly gave me & for that I believe I do belong here.

          Anyway, this week, I will be celebrating my birthday. Each year, I pledged foods for the unfortunate beggars on the street, old folks at retirement home, kids at the orphanage & people around me. So far, I bought 87 boxes of Domino's Pizzas for everyone, out of 100 boxes that I pledged. I hope God will be kind me as I need to donate another 13 boxes before my birthday this coming Thursday. Cross fingers on that miracles.

         Talking about the girl that I mentioned in my previous letters, few days ago I chatted with her about life & death matters. Quite frankly, she is the kinda girl that talked without thinking twice. For her death means an opportunity to walk in heaven with Him. Now I am not afraid of dying but the part where she mentioned what if one day she died first, what will I do for her is the one that makes me scared. Granted, I might not be someone important in her life but the moment I saw that messages popped up in my Messenger, my mind was like please do not let it happen my God. I did not said this because I loved her but I said this because I felt the world gonna be at the losing end if someone as wonderful as her left the world too little too early. But hopefully whatever she said was another cruel jokes from her. If you ever read this, I hope you remember that somewhere over here, my heart is praying for your well-being, always.

         Until then, have a wonderful weekend wherever you are my hummingbird. I will not give up too fast on you.



p.s

I miss you.


Au Destin,

The Half Moon Serenades.
15th of April 2017. 

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Letters 521: All At Once

"Love is keeping the promise anyway."

- John Green (The Fault in Our Stars, 2012)


To whom I haven't met,

        I have openly shared my life journey because writing is a wonderful therapy for me. We each have our own definition of beautiful life. For instance, some love to remain quiet behind the scene living in their own world while others are partial to share it with the world with a hope that it will inspire some wandering souls out there.

         Yesterday, I went to an old folks home in Kepala Batas to distribute 20 boxes of Domino's Pizza for the residents there as part of my annual birthday week routine. You just need to be here to see this moment. Some of them never tasted pizza in their life. Their 'first time' reaction is priceless. In simple words, love made visible.

          Dear hummingbird, there was a unique tree located at the compound of the old folks home. I stood staring at the tree for a good 10 minutes trying to make sense of the way they trimmed the branches. But I am sorry to say that I didn't do it very well. It was one of those contemporary tree with one bald patch on one side of the tree while another part is full of leaves. But it was a beautiful kind of tree. This tree gave me a good laugh.

           But it also reminded me that I should appreciate life in the present & open my eyes to the beauty that lies around me. Perhaps from a lone tree growing in the crack of the sidewalk of the sunsets with a breathtaking palette of green on one side.

           Sometimes, I, too get pushed along by the currents of life. Thankfully, I have managed to step aside every once in awhile & stop to stand & stare. My reward for those moments of stillness has truly been great. I have seen an old couple walked hand in hand while going on a jog at Penang Botanical Gardens. I have seen a pair of hummingbird in courtship outside of the windows at my office. 

           As previously mentioned in my letters, I am courting a wonderful girl at the moment. I am thankful for everyday since that day 5 months ago when I first opened up about my feelings. I knew way before that this will be one hard journey. Other guys might take a few weeks of courtship to win a girl's heart, but people like me might take a few years to get it. But she is one of the best person I ever met. She has 1000 different smiles that can light up your life just like that. Well, I tried everything, except telling her face to face about it. One thing for sure, I found my strength in courting her.  

           I have to believe. That I deserve one. Because we all do. 


p.s

I know not what lies ahead but if there is tonnes of wishes I can make for my birthday next week, one of that will an opportunity to sincerely tell her the reflections in my heart. Maybe all at once.  



For the other half of the sky,

The Half Moon Serenades.

11th of April 2017.

Friday, April 7, 2017

Letters 520: Carpe Diem!

"If you think God's there, He is."

- Haruki Murakami (Kafka on the Shore, 2002)


To whom I haven't met yet,

         The distinctive purple frame of my conversation window with her in Messenger is like a window to the world. Occasionally, she will change my nickname to 'Monalisa' while putting weird name like 'I ate half of your cookies' as her own nickname. 

          But last night, she found herself drowned inside a world full of uncertainties. Instead of being the window to the world, I turned the conversation into a heartfelt all- out confessions room for two hours. Lately, I found myself courting a girl (her) whom often feel defeated even before she start because of her surrounding. The problems seem so big & insurmountable. 

          I did not blame her. It is part of our human nature to have such feeling.  We feels good when we managed to overcome bad patch & it is even better when we do all this without drawing another problem along the way. The moment I saw her stressful messages, I told myself that in time like this, it will be better if I remained silent & let her voices out her unhappiness.

          However, the truth is I could not remain silent. How can I remain silent when a girl of my dream is going through bad patch in her life? I told her to stop trying her best to fit into the mold of this high pressure world. I told her she should believe in God. Believe that God haven't finish with her & she destined for a greater height in life. Now I am not sure whether she took it with open heart or not, but I hope she did.

           She is not only a great girl that I currently courting, she is a friend too. I did not have the opportunity to tell her this face to face. But if you ever read this, I want you to remember, if you seek to measure success by what the world tells you, you will be forever living in a catch-up game that offers no real peace for what you truly are. You will end up doing things to please others but not yourself. 

           The real carpe diem is not measured by how it is showcased to the world. It cannot be measured in an earthly manners. It is about being there, trying your best to achieve your own dream. Granted, the whole world may not know about it, but you do. As does the Power above.

            Carpe diem, S.

p.s

If you fall behind, run faster. Never give up, never surrender & rise against the odds.


Yours truly, 

The Half Moon Serenades.

7th of April 2017. 




Saturday, April 1, 2017

Letters 519: Pinky Promise

"The town was paper but the memories were not."

- John Green (Paper Town, 2008)


To whom I haven't met yet,

           Facebook greeted me in the morning by showing memories from 2007, my first blog entry. For me, coincidence happens once in a blue moon. But apparently Facebook can even read about my life right from the bottom. 

           Few days back, I finally found the courage to watch the Korean drama, 'Autumn in My Heart' after I watched it halfway in 2011. I told everyone that I was too free but the fact is I am not. This drama reminded me of someone so close to me who wasn't here anymore which I mentioned in my first blog entry too in 2007. 

           I lived in lonely neighborhood where two houses connected to each other & the next twinning house was 300m away. Right from kindergarten to primary school, she was the only friend I ever had in that area. We played together (the age where smart gadgets haven't existed). My first blog entry was about me deceiving her to get some beautiful marbles (aptly titled The Marbles). She was cute just like the girl in the drama because each time we played 'scissors, paper, stone', I won it because she always chose paper first (then asking me is it a magic?).


         We drifted apart as I moved to other place while in Form 1, she went to St George's (all girls school). There was no communication until Form 5 when she visited my school to promote something about her school activity (Canteen Day maybe). It wasn't love at first sight. But that day was the happiest day of our life I guess (social media is not popular at the moment).

         Anyway, we turned into peas & carrots again. Up until she met a guy & I found my first love. Slowly we stopped our close relationship due to our other half insistence. The next thing I knew, she ended up in hospital around 2010 due to diabetic complication. By that time, both of us is not in love with anyone anymore. I was there for her right till she died on the bed.

         Few days before that, she asked me why I didn't approved her in Facebook? I was speechless. She even mentioned she followed all my blog entries & read how I was close to giving up (she was the one who posted comment anonymously).

         Last week, I told myself I will not write anymore after 11 years but then I promised her that I will until I met someone. I guess this is one way Facebook reminding me about promise.

        Pinky promise is a valid one. So I think I will continue writing again. This is the first time I opened up about her. I wish could turn back the time because she actually liked me but things happened.

        I let her go (that one photo of us was lost when I moved to new house). But I will continue the writing.


p.s 

Sometimes things become possible if we want them bad enough.


For the other half of the sky,

The Half Moon Serenades.

1st of April 2017.




Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Letters 518: The Church, The Wedding & Never Let Her Go



"If you let go, I need to go jump over there to look after you."

- Jack Dawson (Titanic, 1997)


To whom I haven't met yet,

         Actually I did not have a plan to continue my writing in this blog anymore. But apparently one of my childhood friend encourage me to write something, anything related to wedding (she married her sweetheart last Sunday). How can I declined her request right?

         It's been quite awhile since I attended a church wedding where the ceremony where Canon in D by Pachelbel played instead of the usual Bridal March by Wagner. Today, regardless of any races or religions wedding, modern romantic songs are the order of the day (think about any songs by Lady Antebellum for example).

         Wedding can be elaborately expensive or sweet yet simple (like Jane's wedding last Sunday). No matter how memorable that beautiful day turn out to be, it is just one day. The union between the two loving souls, however is a different thing altogether. 

          Dear hummingbird, wedding for me is just a day but a marriage is forever. In this current fast-paced world where divorces & broken relationships is a norm, I am always wondering whether a guy & a girl can really withstand the test of time before & after the marriage? I guess it is a question that cannot be easily answered because every love is unique to each couple. But for me, it is about staying together, for better or for worse. 

          It takes two to tango. The guy always make the first move & leads while never let go his partner's hand at the same time. Only when we can love with memories of good times will we be able to love in hard times. 

          Until then, I think that is all I can write at the moment about the wedding. Each week, there is a small part of me that always telling me, please write for one more time, just one more time. Maybe I will, maybe I am will not. Over the last few days, one of the things I've lost is my smile. I know it doesn't mean a lot to everyone else but it means a lot to me. I think, time is the answer for everything.


p.s

Love is not what the mind thinks, but what the heart feels.



To destiny,

The Half Moon Serenades.
28th of March 2017.


             

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Letters 517: The End

"Everything has to come to an end, sometimes.

- Lyman Frank Baum (The Marvelous Land of Oz, 1904)


To whom I haven't met yet,
              
         They said every good things must come to an end. I am pretty sure my blog is part of that 'good things'. How I wish this day never arrived. Sadly, today is the day I will end my blog, a dedication for you, the other half of the sky.

          For the past 11 years, I dedicated my time in putting into words about my life. I told you about everything, as much as I can. Not every day, but almost. I told you about my epic holiday around many countries in the world, I shared with you about my journey battling the neck tumor but most of the time, I told about my thought regarding you. It was the sweetest of sweet memories. 

          Also 11 years ago, I promised you that I will never stop until I finally found you. But I guess, I need to break the promise tonight. It is not the typical 'writer's block' moment. I liked doing it so much. So much until I did not care anymore whether this blog is earning money or not. 

          Dear hummingbird, there was a day, for no particular reason, I decided to write for you a long letter. So I wrote around 1000 words letter for you, The following week, I figured out since I wrote for you a long letter in the previous week, why not I just write a short letter this time. 

          As much as I would like to say tonnes of words to you in my last letter, I think I need to put the past behind. Sometimes, I felt like all this letters brings to nothing. No one stumbled upon it, no one fell in loved with this letter. 

         I don't know if we each have a destiny or maybe we're all just floating around accidental like on a breeze. But I think maybe it is both. Maybe both is happening at the same time. 

        With that, this beautiful memories comes to an end. :')



p.s

I failed but if there is anything you need, I won't be far away.


For the other half of the sky,
The Half Moon Serenades.

23rd of March 2017.

Saturday, March 18, 2017

Letters 516: Birthday

"In truth, you are weeping for that which has been your delight."

- Kahlil Gibran (The Prophet, 1923)


To whom I haven't met,

           Well, the weather has gone back to the old ways again here in Penang (hot & very high winds). At present it is blowing a gale outside my house yet the hotness is overwhelming. But I am inside & switching on two air-conditioning units at the same time, so why worry right?

               Last night, I chatted with her about my birthday date. To be honest, I did not even remember about my birthday till she asked about it. Talked about forgetfulness right? Two years ago, I bought 50 cheesecakes for kids at the orphanages/centers & the beggars on the street, the year after that was 100 boxes of Domino's Pizza. I am wondering, what I should buy this year? 

            Anyway, I did not get any birthday cake for the past 8 years. So I hope I have the chance to enjoy your baking one day for my birthday. Do you think I could have a piece of cake some day? I had a great notion on a cook once up in Malacca because she made me some nice tiramisus for my breakfast. Perhaps she was practicing out the old adage of 'road to a man's heart started from his tummy'. As I was never a handsome guy, I put it down to my personality (hahahaha).

            Dear hummingbird, I have never had a chance to properly baked something for someone that I loved. Never mind, i will have all the wee times to ourselves when our day comes. I know at times, I will probably feel as if I am not gonna meet you any time soon, but i will keep my chin up & look forward to the day when you will be home & the period of uncertainty are only a memory.

             516 letters in 10 years still couldn't describe how much I wish you can be here with me, every day, not just on my birthday. And with that remark my angel, I will finish for today as I have some paperwork to do now. God bless you.



p.s

I am not sure whether I should give up after such a long time. I think maybe it is about time I should stop writing anything. But as much I as I am having this writer's block moment, I realized that if I give up right here right now, I might not start it anymore in future. I guess this is what motivated me to tell myself, just one more letter each time. just one more letter. :)


Until my future birthday,

The Half Moon Serenades.
18th of March 2017. 

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Letters 515: The Road Less Traveled

"Your only limit is your soul."

- Remy (Ratatouille, 2007)


To whom I haven't met yet,

           Being mindful of my blessings last weekend brings many bonuses along the way. Such as spending my morning teaching kids, my noon cooking at home, my evening playing hide & seek with kids at the orphanage or my night, listening to music, alone in the room, without any workload piling on the table. I am simply too blessed to be stressed. 

           Each day, I woke up as early as 5.00 a.m., put the laundry to wash & jogged at Penang Botanical Gardens. Some questioned whether my action of jogging is motivate by any causes? The truth is no. Do I need to constantly seek the applause from everyone to a different drumbeat each I did something in my life? I jogged not because I want to tone down the weight. In fact, I did not care about being fat or skinny. I jogged because I want to be as healthy as possible. 

            When I jogged at the Gardens, there was much to observe along the way. I spotted tonnes of wild animals along the jogging path. My Samsung smartphone were dead silent & there was no rush to reply to any work related messages.That is the wonder of jogging inside the real nature. Some took a road less traveled by jogging in the forest instead of luxurious gym. I took that road. Each time I heard skeptical jokes about my action, I just took it as a casual remark to push me onward in the journey of life.

             I prayed to the Power above to push back to the time when everything was normal. He did, even though not exactly as what I wanted. I have been through a bit of roller-coaster ride in the past one month. The potential fallout with her felt horrible at times. But somehow, I never felt overwhelmed. Like I said, it can work one way. I believe all storms will pass & that passed it happened. I am thanking God each day I received words from her. 

              Until then, have yourself a wonderful life there. Have faith, will you? :)


p.s

I miss you.


For the other half of the sky,

The Half Moon Serenades.
15th of March 2017.    

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Letters 514: Reasons


"Do you believe that if a man apologize enough for what he done wrong, then he will get to go back to the time that was happiest for him & live there forever?"

- Arlen Bitterbuck (The Green Mile, 1999)


To whom I haven't met yet,

          We have all complained at some point in our unique life that destiny is unfair. We say there is no fairness when others (lazy bump for example) seem to get rewarded while us (the hardworking ones) get nothing but a pat on the back. In reality, the world simply drives u in quite jealousy direction. We get caught up in the busyness of trying to be better than someone, using up precious time & resources, for all the wrong reasons. 

           Few days ago, I was astonished to see a colleague that owed me thousands of ringgits, bought a new car, Honda Civic to be exact. The first thought that crossed my mind was what the hell? I had no shortage of supporters too. My fellow colleagues, immediately face-palmed himself the moment he saw our colleague arrived with his new car. I assumed he owed him more than how much he owed me. As we were making conversation, everyone had a story to share about this guy. We were not angry, nor did we go on tirade about how much he owed us. Rather some of us, were all thankful that finally he would not disturb us with his story of broken car. 

            Lately, I felt that some people found a shelter in my writings. They said my stories inspired them to move on with their life & to be strong in facing turbulence. In simple words, I touched their life. You see my hummingbird, the real carpe diem is not measured by how I showcased to the world about my life. It cannot even be measured in an earthly manner. It is not about how I helped people without accepting any form of payments. It is about being there, lending my ears to someone as he or she passes the most difficult moment in their life. 

              514 letters passed by but I failed in my search for you. I touched many hearts along the way, but I failed to touch or should I say to find the heart that matters (you heart of course). But I am not tired. I am not tired of writing countless letters to you even though I knew no one will ever read it. I am not tired of praying to God. I am grateful. Grateful because God still love me so much. My mother still living her life to the fullest despite her heart getting weaker. That itself was one of the reasons I am grateful to the power above. But at night time, when there was nothing to do & the house was all empty, I'd always think of you.

               As much as I would like to share with you few more stories, yours truly here need to prepare the documents for this Monday meeting. As such, i wish you the best of life wherever you are in this world. Until the next letter, have yourself a groovy kind of life.


p.s

There's a reason for everything. God must have had reason. Just believe.


For the other half of the sky, 

The Half Moon Serenade.
11th of March 2017.

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Letters 513: Of Joy & Turbulence


"Have you found joy in your life or has your life brought joy to others?"

- Carter Chambers (The Bucket List, 2007)


To whom I haven't met yet,

           In the past few weeks, I have experienced a few hardship in work that remind me how important it is for me to find joy amidst the turbulence. 

          Have I found joy in my life? I do not think I can ever come up with the perfect answer to this question. I assumed this question must, in a way remain unanswered in my life. I am grateful because I did not struggle for the right response to deal with this kind of turbulence. I have learnt that the best thing to as such moments is to do nothing at all. I could have been gung-ho & brave the turbulence, but I guess it was definitely wiser not to take the risk. 

          Dear hummingbird, if you remember few years ago, an old woman came to my office with three little kids in tow. She had little formal education & struggling to find a job that can support herself & the kids. Every day she travels a long way from Gelugor with bus to the rows of banks next to my office, to beg for money & mercy from everyone. Her monthly income, technically explain, is based on the money she received from begging. I asked her whether she wanted to start her own business if someone give her the necessary capital as kick-starter. She said yes & yours truly here help her to apply with the council for a space at the new food court at Brown Garden. 

           Fast forward to the year 2017, currently she enjoying her life as economy rice seller at the food court, earning four-digits income monthly. Last year, she came into my office with the money that I gave her as the capital. I declined as the money involved can be used for her business as rolling monthly income. But from that moment, each time I went there for lunch, she declined any sorts of payment from me. 

            You see, there is no need for me to give up easily each time I encountered turbulence in my life. Rather, it is good for my soul to reflect on how those with much less than me go about with their lives, thankful for each blessing that comes along the way. 

           Anyway, strange isn't it? I touched many lives in this world, from the beggar on the street to the kids at the center yet I failed to touch the heart of anyone out there after 513 letters in 10 years. But I believe, if I were going to try, I must go all the way. Let it be 1000 letters or 10 000 letters, all of this I believe are a test of endurance of how much I really want to do it. And I did it despite tonnes of obstacles in the worst odds. I simply told myself, I just haven't met you yet. But one day, there will be one girl out there willing to share her life with me despite tonnes of obstacles around her. That day & the subsequent days, it will be better than anything else we can imagine.

            Until then, live your life to the fullest my other half of the sky. It is just a matter of time. :)



p.s

Life moves pretty fast, right? But if you do not stop & look around once in a while, you could miss it. Take one step at a time in your pursuit of happiness. I will. 



For the other half of the sky,

The Half Moon Serenades.
5th of March 2017.