Saturday, July 22, 2017

Letters 534: Fulfilling Life

"Don't feel sorry for yourself because only asshole do that."

- Haruki Murakami (Norwegian Woods, 1987)


To whom I have met, 

             The challenge we face daily can indeed feel overwhelming. But they can take on great meaning when we can look beyond our perspectives at the bigger picture. I am a believer. I believe the greatest obstacles are the one we put on ourselves. 

              When I went to the shelter home for my weekly volunteering session, I saw a lot of lost souls searching for salvation in their life. They felt that God abandoned in every way. Thankfully, we do not need to experience the kind of adversity that this girls & many others have faced repeatedly. But their life stories show me real happiness isn't something that can come from outside ourselves.

               Few years ago, there was a young girl came to the shelter home seeking a helping hand from the operator. Coincidentally, I was there to lend her listening ears. She told how she constantly pursue happiness externally until she can't see & differentiate the rights from the wrongs. She didn't believe that she already possess within herself the happiness needed to lead a fulfilling life. She mixed with the wrong group of misfits & ended up here seeking our help.

               Dear Samantha, there will be certain point in your life where you will ask yourself 'what's the point of it all?'. Take a look at people around you. Their life is a testament to the idea that life doesn't come with a ready made meaning but rather it is something we are supposed to give meaning to.

              I guess that is what everything for the past 8 months was all about.There was some good times, there was some bad times. This week itself was a testament about trying to be there when you needed me. To be honest, I was about to give up regarding the things you asked me for help. I told myself, 'if I told her no, there will be no harm'. The kind of feeling where you feels like the requests throws at your way are just too much to help. 

              But then, after I called you, I heard a soft voice. A voice of someone who put a hope, not too high, on my shoulder. From that moment, I realized that if I loved you so much, your happiness matters to me. So I helped (the Under Armour that I gave you helps too) & put back the smile on your face.


               This is life. I hope I can make a small difference in your life. Until the next hello, have yourself a wonderful weekend ahead.


p.s

Letters are just pieces of writing. My gifts for you are just materialistic stuff. But your happiness is the one I cherished the most stw 


Always, 

The Half Moon Serenades.

22nd of July 2017.

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Letters 533: Imperfections

"This part of my life, this little part, is called happiness."

- Chris Gardner (The Pursuit of Happyness, 2006)


To whom I have met,

           We all expect things to be perfect in our life. But for me, there is a great happiness in taking something with all imperfections & perfecting it into they way it should be. 

           For the past few days, I heard tonnes of complaints from people around me about how life is so unfair. It is not wrong. We have all complained at some point in our life. This people wonder why some are doing so well, while others have to struggle day by day? I suppose it is easier for them to lament about what they do not have than to be thankful for what they have. 

            I've been successful in many ways, there is nothing to hide about it. But at the same time, I am always mindful that I can lose everything in split seconds. Each time people seek my help, whether at my office or at the center, I consider it as a form of trust. With this kind of mindset, I am not only have the make the best of the help, but must also be able to pass on the blessings way after I helped them.

            Lately, few girls showed their 'unhappiness' or 'jealousy' each time I bought something for you. Even a simple bar of chocolate that cost me RM 2.00 can be a source of they mixed emotions let alone the Superdry shirt . But for me, they should not have this kind of feelings. My actions, my joys & my possessions that I shared with you are nothing to boast about. God placed it in my mind as a way to make you happy & it is up to me to change it into a reality. 

              But the reality here Samantha, the world simply drives me crazy in quite the opposite direction lately. I got caught up in the busyness of work, using up precious time & resources. But I finally found a time for you last Wednesday. Somewhere down the line, the simple McDonald's lunch is not just about the meal. It was a three hours food for thought. The kind of thought that warmth the soul.

               Until then, have yourself a wonderful week ahead.


p.s

Lately, I saw with eyes & ears how you struggled in your life as a tertiary student. But always remember this Sam, you are simply too blessed to be stressed. Seek God & He shall clear the path for you.


For the other half of the sky,

The Half Moon Serenades.

16th of July 2017. 

Monday, July 10, 2017

Letters 532: Every Mile

"The wound is the place where light enters you."

- Rumi


To whom I have met,

           In our hectic world, many of us claim to have thousands of stuff to do but in reality, the number of important stuff can be counted on two hands. I think a lot of it has to do with our time management. Our bad time management often make us feel defeated even before we start because the problems seem so big & insurmountable.

           Few nights ago, I walked along the five-foot way at Campbell Street while visiting my friends at the UNESCO Heritage Day celebration. I saw a beggar sleeping there, his shirt reduced to rags, smelling like a dead fish. At the same time, few youngsters dressed fashionably covered their mouth & nose walked passed him. While some people may not mind as they could be used to this kind of treatment, severe ostracism as portrayed by the youngsters towards the beggar can lead to loss of self-esteem, depression & in rare cases, worthlessness. I am wondering, instead of taking their time off covering their mouth & nose, why not they just buy a bottle of mineral water? But then, why not the beggar take a time off in a day to use the public bathing facility located stone throw away near Kapitan Keling Mosque & cleaned himself?

            Talking about time, within the next few days, you will sit for exam in the college. Based on our conversations last night, you have been struggling with a number of study-related inconveniences recently. There are time when I felt that you are about to give up because you did not seem able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

            But remember this Sam, in our life, we should dare to think out of the box. You should not worried if you are worst than others just because you are not good in certain subjects. You just need to try your best & God will help you with the rest.

            It is definitely not easy in life as a college student. Each time you sat next to me in my car, all I heard was how reluctant you felt to attend certain classes. How about stop thinking about the problem & instead making the days there count? :) 

            
p.s

8 months was a short period of time. But I know every mile making you happy will be worth my time, stwy.


Till the next one,

The Half Moon Serenades.

10th of July 2017.

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Letters 531: Courage is the Little Voice

"If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds of worth of distance run, yours is the earth."

- Rudyard Kipling (If, 1895)


To whom I have met,

          Life is full of brick walls. But the brick walls are there for a reason. I bet your life is full of brick walls too. Some people have this idea that brick walls is there to slow us down in this world.

          In truth, the brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. It is not there to keep us out from this unforgiving world. I believe the brick walls are there to stop people who don't want it badly enough. They are there to stop the other people. 

           Lately, I know you are facing difficulties in your new life. It hurts a little bit knowing about it. So, let this letter be the piece of writing where I can voice out my hope for you. 

           You might heard some people said that we must try our best in everything. But for me, it is not enough that you do your best. Sometimes, you must do what is required without losing your courage. Courage doesn't always roar Sam. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says:

"I will try again tomorrow."

             Yours truly here is a slow walker. But for sure, I will never walk back. I am the kind of person that if I knew the world would come to an end tomorrow, I would still plant a tree. I guess that pretty much summarize my words for you for the past 6 months.

              These are the kind of words I like to tell you because in the writing, I am praying for a life well lived for you. Until then, have yourself wonderful moments & make each day counts, Sam.


p.s

Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.


Till the next one,

The Half Moon Serenades.

4th of July 2017.  

Sunday, June 25, 2017

Letters 530: It's the Little Things

"He stepped down trying not to look long at her, as if she were the sun yet he saw her like the sun even without looking."

- Leo Tolstoy (Anna Karenina, 1877)


To whom I have met,

           Life is full of thorns & thistles. I first encountered this terms while I was doing my reading on someone Bible translations for her Master thesis few years ago. It refers to 'things in our life that bring us discomfort, torment & judgment'. I remember being overwhelmed towards this term, by its concept of course. I used to wonder whether this terms is important in our life & today deep down within me, I know it does. 

          When was the last time you did something for the first time? I found something that I never thought I would enjoy in my lifetime for the past one month. I never thought sewing, writing Hangul (Korean form of writing), drawing portrait, doodling to name a few for the first time can be hobbies to fill up my times lately. Also for the past two weeks, I bought three pairs of sneakers & sports shoes for you, something I never did to anyone in my life.

           Anyway back to my main point, I am not exactly expecting much nowadays but rather keeping it slow & reflect what has this year been to me. Come what may, no one is better at being me than myself. Each time I encountered bad times, I told myself timing is everything & things will happen as they meant to be. 

            In life, you will be constantly put into trials & situations, where you try to fix them. You will break down once in awhile because no one is perfect in this world. But always remember, for every thorns & thistles you met, you grow a little bit more in your life.

            Until then, enjoy your travel with your family. I am praying for your safety as always.


p.s

Aim for little things first because it will warm your heart. Don't ask for big things & end up upsetting yourself because things do not turn out the way you want it. I am very sure you on the right path, S.


Love, 

The Half Moon Serenades.
25th of June 2017.           

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Letters 529: Perfect

"Happiness is anyone, anything at all, that's loved by you."

- Clark Gesner (You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown, 1967)


To whom I have met,

            For the past one month, tonnes of people asked me why I stopped my writing. I told them that I'm having writer's block but the fact is I am not. How can I have writer's block when my life has been so inspiring & amazing. It is just that I was a little bit busy preparing for your birthday which fell on 17th of July (yesterday).

            Lately, I do not need to seek refuge from my writing because my soul has found someone, you. So I want to dedicate this piece of writing to you on your special day.

            It started about nine months ago when I sketched the image of you on a piece of paper. It was a labor of love with months of hard work such as sitting in front of YouTube in order to learn how to draw your hair & also searching the internet in order to figure out how to color your eyes. But all the hard work paid off when I finally finished it eight days before your birthday, framed it with black on black on black frame (your favorite color) & handed it to you last Wednesday when we went out together. But of course apart from saying the customary thankful words, the cuteness in you decided that it is cute to ask this question (which I knew you will ask):

"Where is my braces in the portrait?"

             Yes of all questions about the portrait, your first concern was the missing braces. Because of you, I won few bets with my friends (I told them you will definitely ask about it). 

             Anyway, did you remember few weeks before your birthday, you found yourself in a deep stress? I went out there & bought a bag of 25 chocolates (which I repeated last Wednesday) for you. You hold onto the bag so tight when you sat next to me in my car. As usual, your customary cute question:

"Why my Reese's melted, why?"

              Luckily, I baked few chocolates chip cookies for you too (which I knew you secretly ate & posted it in Snapchat). For that, I am grateful after the hard work of sitting in front of my oven waiting for the cookies. 

              Last Wednesday, when we went out for your birthday, I cooked for you, a bowl of tomyam kung & a plate cheese prawn macaroni. We even stopped at the roadside so you can eat it after one long day at the college. Sitting there next to you & looking at you eating it with full force makes my heart melt over & over again. This is the girl of my dream, eating my home-cook food. But silly me cooked too much for you & we put it aside in order to go to Queensbay Mall to shop for your favorite Adidas sport shoes. Not that I didn't gave you tonnes of birthday presents before (Daniel Wellington's wristwatches, LANSI cap, Vans Sneakers, Herschel bag, portrait & that 100 days sketch book) but the look at your face the moment you heard that I am bringing you there to buy it, I am so excited too.

              On the way back from the college, you drove in your own car. You snapped a photo (eating the macaroni) while driving because you are hungry. I was super happy but worried at the same time about your safety.

              People said why wasted my money on this girl who might not even appreciated my kindness. I might just as well find another girl as backup plan. But little that they knew you are not the kind of person & me too. You appreciated all my gifts. You see, when a guy said 'I love you' to a girl, that love should be just be for her & only for her. 

              A day before your birthday, I decided to go to your college, armed with four H & M gift cards & searched for your car in the huge parking lot. I took a good 15 minutes to find it & then I put it right at your windshield. Few hours later, the bouquet of roses from 50Gram arrived at your home too. I was so happy to see you liked it.

             Love is patience. I wrote it in almost every e-mails, messages & cards for you (remember, this is the first sentence in the bouquet card?). For all the gifts, time & moments we shared, it was not just about my love for you. Love is secondary. The one that I am looking forward each time we met or each time we talked is your smile & happiness. 

              Happy birthday Sam. Godspeed your success in everything. Never, never, never give up on pursuing your dream, happiness & many more wonderful things. There is always someone left to love & to fight for in this life. That someone is you.


p.s

I am not the best guy out there or someone that a girl can be proud of in their life. But definitely, I will be the one that never leave you when the morning comes despite rough days. Enjoy your perfect moment there.


For the other half of the sky,

The Half Moon Serenades.
18th of June 2017.


Thursday, May 18, 2017

Letters 528: Reasons II

"Love looks not not with the eyes but with the mind."

- William Shakespeare (A Midsummer Night's Dream, 1595)


To whom I haven't met yet,

               I believe we are all sowers in every area of our life. From the home & the workplace to the heart of our other half of the sky. Even if we do not see the harvest or participate in the reaping, we are all playing a small part that will translate into the big picture one day. 

             The time with her yesterday was one of the moment I cherished the most in my recent memories. It was her smile, from the moment she opened the door of my car to the moment she sat next to me to the moment she opened her birthday gifts that lights up my day. I rarely post any photos of her in my social media but yesterday, I posted her photo for the first time after 6 months. She hated the photo because in her words, it was ugly. But little that she knows, I am loving it. 

             My love for her is not always the lovey-dovey that we see in movies or expressed through days like the 14th of February. Love is action. I just look at ordinary her doing extraordinary things every day & I fell for her because of her silly actions. I just want to walk the extra mile, share her unhappiness & sow the love in the midst of hatred. 
  
             Yesterday, I gave her a Daniel Wellington's Classic Black Sheffield watch, her dream watch. But this silly girl struggled to put on the strap because she was so afraid to bend the strap properly. Honestly, I laughed right next to her but when I looked again for the second times, I saw an angel of my heart at her silliest moment. I helped putting the strap & the moment she lifted up her hand to take a closer look, I fell in loved with her again. I even cooked her favorite food (tomyam) & gave her a bag full of chocolates.

             Dear hummingbird, I opened up my heart for the first time in 4 years to her. People kept saying how lucky this girl to have someone like me loved her. But in truth, I am the lucky one. They thought I was a dream guy for any girls out there but in truth, I considered myself lucky if there is anyone out there who liked me. 

             Lately, I finished tonnes of stuff at my work place. I hope for the next one week, I can enjoy my free time as much as I can before I accept the next job. Until then, wherever you are now, enjoy this life as much as you can.


p.s

Loving you is the reason for my trembling happiness, S.



For the other half of the sky,

The Half Moon Serenades.
18th of May 2017. 



Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Letters 527: Of God, Grateful & Love

"My mom says if somebody takes the time to write a letter, you should read it."

- Private Ben Yahzee (Windtalkers, 2002)


To whom I haven't met yet,

             It is that time of the year when I have to file my tax returns. No matter how busy I am currently, 15th of May 2017 is the deadline to do the e-filing. So here I am stuck in the Lembaga Hasil Dalam Negeri (IRB) waiting for my turn to get everything done. 

             Once in awhile, I still get the feeling that I am paying more than I should but being a good citizen, I just keep my mouth shut & pay accordingly. I have to be grateful that I earned enough to have to pay taxes. There are still many people around me who struggle to earn enough to make ends meet. They did not have the need to worry about paying taxes, but they need to worry about what they gonna eat tomorrow. For that, I am grateful to the Power above.

             Dear hummingbird, there is no pit so deep that God's love is not deeper. This one part of the message that the girl I previously mentioned in my letters sent to me last night. She read about a verse from the Holy Bible (Psalm 18:16) about how God's love is deeper no matter what problem we have in this world. I could not help but to agree with her wholeheartedly about it. In life, I suppose many of us have become so jaded that we choose to disbelieve in Him & people around who are trying to make a difference in our life. But it is good to sit down once in awhile & try to have a self reflection moment right? Anyway, this is one of the main reason why I loved her. She lights up the sky with her spontaneous messages every night.
    
              Today letter is a short one as I need to get myself a quick lunch before the meeting start in two hours. It will be a short meeting but I just want it to end as soon as possible. In the meantime, have yourself a wonderful day wherever you are in this world. 


p.s

Everyday of telling you that I loved you is indeed a bonus. Many stories we shared with each other may not be retold in the future. But it remain a part of me because it helped me to tell you that this is a love well lived, S.


For the other half of the sky,

The Half Moon Serenades.

9th of May 2017.


Friday, May 5, 2017

Letters 526: The Prayer

"Prayer is not asking, it is longing of the soul."

- Mahatma Gandhi


To whom I haven't met yet,

        There is a God, there always has been. I felt Him here in this orphanage as I typed this letter to you, in the eyes of the kids along the corridor of desperation. This is the real house of God, where those who have lost God will find Him. 

         Anyway, when I distributed boxes of pizzas to the beggars two ago for my birthday, I met a young couple with a little baby girl. As we talked, I asked them whether they need anything for their baby girl & I promised them that I will buy it the moment I cleared my work stuff. Well, today is the so called 'free day' for me. 

          I bought for this little angel few clothes, pairs of shoes & nutritious food. The funny part when I went to this this baby section in Parkson. I stood there for quite few minutes staring at tonnes of baby clothing. Do not get me wrong but I do not have any prior experiences. When the salesgirl approached, I told her it was for a baby girl & the moment she heard it, she laughed her lungs out because things in my hand was meant for baby boy. I am pretty sure I will never forget this silly moment, ever.

          Dear hummingbird, she was so happy last night. She told me about how she gave someone a shoulder to cry on & sent that someone a long paragraph as comforting words. I am proud & happy for what she did yesterday. This incident proved that she is the right one when I decided to open my heart for the first time in 4 years. It was definitely the night that I wanted. I talked wit her until 2.30 a.m. which is longer than usual. She shared about the day & I shared about mine. She did a commendable job in lighting up people's life. I told her to put God first, because when you put Him first, you will surely never be the last.

           Again, today letter is a short one. I wish I can write for you a long letter but I guess time is really jealous with us. Until then, I will pray that you will have a wonderful weekend there.


p.s

God has two dwellings, one in heaven, the other in a wonderful heart like you stwy.  


For the other half of the sky, 

The Half Moon Serenades.
5th of May 2017.
 

Monday, May 1, 2017

Letters 525: The Heart of A Stranger

"Even in hell there are moments when the light reaches you."

- Richard C. Morais (The Hundred-Foot Journey, 2008)


To whom I haven't met yet,
 
           There are many points in life when I cannot see what awaits me around the corner. It is precisely at such times when my path forward is unclear, I bravely kept my nerve, resolutely making my strength overpowering others as I march into the dark. 

           Few days ago, someone asked me why I distributed pizzas to the beggars on my birthday? Well, I told him because it makes me happy. I reached out even to strangers because every human being was important to me. For long after the beggars tears have stopped flowing, long after my act are forgotten, it is those acts of love that will live on forever.

           Dear hummingbird, you have to be out there to see & appreciate the real world. Even though I just met the beggars, they felt moved to pray for my health just because I gave them a slice of pizza. They held my hand & said the most wonderful prayer for me, a stranger just moments ago. 

           Anyway, last night I chatted with her. She asked me a simple yet meaningful question. What will I say to her if she was diagnosed with stage four cancer & in the brink of death? I told her that I will continue to win her heart. But the truth, I touched all wooden parts of my furniture praying that such horrible thing will never fall on her. You see, I love her. She is the best person I ever met in four years. I do not have the look or any physical asset to court her, but all I have is my time, my heart & my love.

            Today letter is a short one. Hopefully, I can write for you much longer letter in the future. Until then, have yourself a wonderful holiday. 


p.s

If I did anything right in my life this year, it was when I gave all my heart to court you, S.


Yours sincerely,

The Half Moon Serenades. 
1st of May 2017. 

Friday, April 28, 2017

Letters 524: The Constant Change

"God's voice is usually nothing more than a whisper & you have to listen very carefully to hear it."

- Nicholas Sparks (The Last Song, 2008)


To whom I haven't met yet,

           I am writing this blog entry from the corner of CIMB Bank branch in Prangin Mall. It's been a long time since I went into a bank in this modern era of online banking. 

           It is still relatively quiet although I can imagine how it will be like in the next few minutes when the lunch time going to start. As I looked at the passers by, I am reminded about the hard moments I had growing up in a poor family. In those hard days, the poor me would just sit down outside the bank on a bench & look up at the customers withdrawing their money, which was occasionally punctuated by sounds of luxury cars arriving at the entrance. 

           Dear hummingbird, it has been said that the only constant is change. I often wonder how this poor boy can change into someone with a good life today? But I have to come to terms with the fact that it is not only because of hard work, it is the constant gratefulness to God that brought me to this much better level. 

            Few days ago, the girl of my heart asked me whether everything I did for her is worth the time & effort as she felt that she did nothing for me all this while. The truth here is I was ordinary in a world that loved the extraordinary her. I loved her, it was as simple as that. All the cookies I baked, the chocolates that I bought, the positive messages I sent, even the compensation money that I paid when she involved in an accident, I did it not only because I loved her. It was more of being there when she needed me. Lately, she was unhappy about something I regretfully said to her. But despite all those unhappiness, it doesn't make me love her any less. Sometimes, it makes me love her more. 

             God's presence was everywhere, at all times & was experienced by everyone at one time of another. I felt it & I will continue to believe in miracles. Until then, have yourself a wonderful weekend.



p.s

I overshot a little because I was aiming at just enough to keep you in my heart.


For the other half of the sky,

The Half Moon Serenades.
28th of April 2017.

Friday, April 21, 2017

Letters 523: The Birthday

"I'm different from you but this doesn't make me love you any less because it actually makes me love you more."

- Samantha (Her, 2013)


To you whom I haven't met yet, 

         Everyday, I liked to drop by the orphanage for children with disabilities. You see, they come in all shapes, colors& smiles. You just have to be among them to appreciate what true love is all about. Few minutes ago, I took all the sofas available in the orphanage & built a makeshift fort for them to play the war games. I even transformed my arms into a handmade telescope. Talk about creativity right?

          In my life, I choose to look out for the rainbow in the middle of searing sun & the dark clouds. For the past one week, I celebrated my birthday in a big way even though the exact date was yesterday. I bought a total of 110 boxes of Domino's Pizza for the beggars, unfortunate ones & students.  At the same time, I bought tonnes of ice cream, chocolates & whatever foods you named it to people closest to me. It makes me happy to see them smile & said their thankfulness. Some of them even bought a chocolate cake for me! There was a time when I gave a slice of Aloha Chicken pizza to an old lady at the bus stop in front of KOMTAR in the middle of the night. She was so happy because she never ate a pizza since 20 years ago. She told me tonnes of stories from her life. 

           But in the middle of the story telling sessions, she asked me something. Have you met anyone in your life? If she asked me around this date last year, I would have laugh my ass out but this time, I told her 'maybe'.

           Dear hummingbird, did you remember about the girl I mentioned in previous letter? Well, she surprised me few days ago with a wonderful gift that I am not at a liberty to mention here. She looks a bit sad when I told her about the gift but the truth is her gift is the one I cherished the most apart from the one given by my mother. I gave her a bag full of chocolates in return plus cookies that I baked the day before. I suspected that the cookies makes her suffering from sore throat. But she liked it after all. So, in conclusion, yours truly here is a good baker (maybe next time I will bake her something much better). *cross fingers*

            I guess that is all I can tell you about my birthday week this year. I hope one day, I will get the chance to celebrate with you in person. I just have to believe it. Until then, have yourself a blessed week. 


p.s

To give love to everyone around me is like to receive a glimpse of heaven.

p.s s

You are the night that I want.


Yours truly, 

The Half Moon Serenades.
21st of April 2017. 

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Letters 522: Of Faith & Blessing

"There is always something left to love."

- Gabriel Garcia Marquez (One Hundred Years of Solitude, 1967)


To whom I haven't met yet,

           It is easy to let our mind deceive & urge us on to pursue what the world considers desirable. Honestly, I was one of the victim of my own mind before. But when I start looking at things with my heart, a whole different image emerges. 

           Few days ago, I was in my office room & browsing through some old books. One of the book that caught my attention was my own journal from the year 2009 while I was on the treatment for the neck tumor. This has been a journey both of faith & blessing. Faith because God has been there during my treatment. He has seen me through, ensuring I do not suffer much from the treatment with His presence. These to me are already His miracles & I can only praise Him for His faithfulness all the time.

           Dear hummingbird, I have learned over time to count my blessings in the present without projecting much into the future & to appreciate things for the true value. I can choose to be angry when something bad occurred in my life. But each time, I choose to remind myself of the many wonderful blessings that God constantly gave me & for that I believe I do belong here.

          Anyway, this week, I will be celebrating my birthday. Each year, I pledged foods for the unfortunate beggars on the street, old folks at retirement home, kids at the orphanage & people around me. So far, I bought 87 boxes of Domino's Pizzas for everyone, out of 100 boxes that I pledged. I hope God will be kind me as I need to donate another 13 boxes before my birthday this coming Thursday. Cross fingers on that miracles.

         Talking about the girl that I mentioned in my previous letters, few days ago I chatted with her about life & death matters. Quite frankly, she is the kinda girl that talked without thinking twice. For her death means an opportunity to walk in heaven with Him. Now I am not afraid of dying but the part where she mentioned what if one day she died first, what will I do for her is the one that makes me scared. Granted, I might not be someone important in her life but the moment I saw that messages popped up in my Messenger, my mind was like please do not let it happen my God. I did not said this because I loved her but I said this because I felt the world gonna be at the losing end if someone as wonderful as her left the world too little too early. But hopefully whatever she said was another cruel jokes from her. If you ever read this, I hope you remember that somewhere over here, my heart is praying for your well-being, always.

         Until then, have a wonderful weekend wherever you are my hummingbird. I will not give up too fast on you.



p.s

I miss you.


Au Destin,

The Half Moon Serenades.
15th of April 2017. 

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Letters 521: All At Once

"Love is keeping the promise anyway."

- John Green (The Fault in Our Stars, 2012)


To whom I haven't met,

        I have openly shared my life journey because writing is a wonderful therapy for me. We each have our own definition of beautiful life. For instance, some love to remain quiet behind the scene living in their own world while others are partial to share it with the world with a hope that it will inspire some wandering souls out there.

         Yesterday, I went to an old folks home in Kepala Batas to distribute 20 boxes of Domino's Pizza for the residents there as part of my annual birthday week routine. You just need to be here to see this moment. Some of them never tasted pizza in their life. Their 'first time' reaction is priceless. In simple words, love made visible.

          Dear hummingbird, there was a unique tree located at the compound of the old folks home. I stood staring at the tree for a good 10 minutes trying to make sense of the way they trimmed the branches. But I am sorry to say that I didn't do it very well. It was one of those contemporary tree with one bald patch on one side of the tree while another part is full of leaves. But it was a beautiful kind of tree. This tree gave me a good laugh.

           But it also reminded me that I should appreciate life in the present & open my eyes to the beauty that lies around me. Perhaps from a lone tree growing in the crack of the sidewalk of the sunsets with a breathtaking palette of green on one side.

           Sometimes, I, too get pushed along by the currents of life. Thankfully, I have managed to step aside every once in awhile & stop to stand & stare. My reward for those moments of stillness has truly been great. I have seen an old couple walked hand in hand while going on a jog at Penang Botanical Gardens. I have seen a pair of hummingbird in courtship outside of the windows at my office. 

           As previously mentioned in my letters, I am courting a wonderful girl at the moment. I am thankful for everyday since that day 5 months ago when I first opened up about my feelings. I knew way before that this will be one hard journey. Other guys might take a few weeks of courtship to win a girl's heart, but people like me might take a few years to get it. But she is one of the best person I ever met. She has 1000 different smiles that can light up your life just like that. Well, I tried everything, except telling her face to face about it. One thing for sure, I found my strength in courting her.  

           I have to believe. That I deserve one. Because we all do. 


p.s

I know not what lies ahead but if there is tonnes of wishes I can make for my birthday next week, one of that will an opportunity to sincerely tell her the reflections in my heart. Maybe all at once.  



For the other half of the sky,

The Half Moon Serenades.

11th of April 2017.

Friday, April 7, 2017

Letters 520: Carpe Diem!

"If you think God's there, He is."

- Haruki Murakami (Kafka on the Shore, 2002)


To whom I haven't met yet,

         The distinctive purple frame of my conversation window with her in Messenger is like a window to the world. Occasionally, she will change my nickname to 'Monalisa' while putting weird name like 'I ate half of your cookies' as her own nickname. 

          But last night, she found herself drowned inside a world full of uncertainties. Instead of being the window to the world, I turned the conversation into a heartfelt all- out confessions room for two hours. Lately, I found myself courting a girl (her) whom often feel defeated even before she start because of her surrounding. The problems seem so big & insurmountable. 

          I did not blame her. It is part of our human nature to have such feeling.  We feels good when we managed to overcome bad patch & it is even better when we do all this without drawing another problem along the way. The moment I saw her stressful messages, I told myself that in time like this, it will be better if I remained silent & let her voices out her unhappiness.

          However, the truth is I could not remain silent. How can I remain silent when a girl of my dream is going through bad patch in her life? I told her to stop trying her best to fit into the mold of this high pressure world. I told her she should believe in God. Believe that God haven't finish with her & she destined for a greater height in life. Now I am not sure whether she took it with open heart or not, but I hope she did.

           She is not only a great girl that I currently courting, she is a friend too. I did not have the opportunity to tell her this face to face. But if you ever read this, I want you to remember, if you seek to measure success by what the world tells you, you will be forever living in a catch-up game that offers no real peace for what you truly are. You will end up doing things to please others but not yourself. 

           The real carpe diem is not measured by how it is showcased to the world. It cannot be measured in an earthly manners. It is about being there, trying your best to achieve your own dream. Granted, the whole world may not know about it, but you do. As does the Power above.

            Carpe diem, S.

p.s

If you fall behind, run faster. Never give up, never surrender & rise against the odds.


Yours truly, 

The Half Moon Serenades.

7th of April 2017. 




Saturday, April 1, 2017

Letters 519: Pinky Promise

"The town was paper but the memories were not."

- John Green (Paper Town, 2008)


To whom I haven't met yet,

           Facebook greeted me in the morning by showing memories from 2007, my first blog entry. For me, coincidence happens once in a blue moon. But apparently Facebook can even read about my life right from the bottom. 

           Few days back, I finally found the courage to watch the Korean drama, 'Autumn in My Heart' after I watched it halfway in 2011. I told everyone that I was too free but the fact is I am not. This drama reminded me of someone so close to me who wasn't here anymore which I mentioned in my first blog entry too in 2007. 

           I lived in lonely neighborhood where two houses connected to each other & the next twinning house was 300m away. Right from kindergarten to primary school, she was the only friend I ever had in that area. We played together (the age where smart gadgets haven't existed). My first blog entry was about me deceiving her to get some beautiful marbles (aptly titled The Marbles). She was cute just like the girl in the drama because each time we played 'scissors, paper, stone', I won it because she always chose paper first (then asking me is it a magic?).


         We drifted apart as I moved to other place while in Form 1, she went to St George's (all girls school). There was no communication until Form 5 when she visited my school to promote something about her school activity (Canteen Day maybe). It wasn't love at first sight. But that day was the happiest day of our life I guess (social media is not popular at the moment).

         Anyway, we turned into peas & carrots again. Up until she met a guy & I found my first love. Slowly we stopped our close relationship due to our other half insistence. The next thing I knew, she ended up in hospital around 2010 due to diabetic complication. By that time, both of us is not in love with anyone anymore. I was there for her right till she died on the bed.

         Few days before that, she asked me why I didn't approved her in Facebook? I was speechless. She even mentioned she followed all my blog entries & read how I was close to giving up (she was the one who posted comment anonymously).

         Last week, I told myself I will not write anymore after 11 years but then I promised her that I will until I met someone. I guess this is one way Facebook reminding me about promise.

        Pinky promise is a valid one. So I think I will continue writing again. This is the first time I opened up about her. I wish could turn back the time because she actually liked me but things happened.

        I let her go (that one photo of us was lost when I moved to new house). But I will continue the writing.


p.s 

Sometimes things become possible if we want them bad enough.


For the other half of the sky,

The Half Moon Serenades.

1st of April 2017.