Monday, June 6, 2011

Healing A Broken Love



William Shakespeare once said:

"Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs."          
       

        There is no such thing as a broken heart-only a heart that is learning to love more and better.

         Realizing that your heart isn't damaged is a relief. But when you're desperately trying to let go of a former mate, and you're in emotional agony, this bit of wisdom is cold comfort. Many say they can feel a physical aching in the chest that can last for weeks and even months.

         An inability to hear love songs on the radio without crying is common. At worst, those struggling through a break-up can't stand to be alone, and avoid places where they might see their ex. Conversely, they might even arrange to run in" to their former flame.

         Why do we find it so hard to release when a relationship ends? We get emotionally attached when we fall in love. Emotional attachment is wonderful when the relationship is in full bloom, but a great source of pain when the romance is over. 

         Emotional attachment is responsible for much angst, from jealousy to endless mooning over the lost love, to an inability to move on. Once you finally break the attachment, you have a pleasant neutrality towards the former object of your attachment. 

          You know you're over him when you can see him with another woman and not feel a surge of emotion. It's not that you wish him ill; you simply no longer see why you were so hung up on him to begin with. 

          There are three steps you can take to expedite the process of release and be free of the pain. If you start practicing them immediately, you may find yourself getting on with your life and experiencing a heady freedom by tomorrow. 

Step One: Release Constantly. 

Be aware of how often you think of your former love after the break-up. For example, something may trigger a memory, or a friend may ask how the two of you are doing. Perhaps you go so far as to maintain contact deliberately with his friends and family in hopes of rekindling the flame. Your ex is a point of reference for you. You wonder what he would think of your new haircut, or what she's up to. You may torment yourself imagining her involvement with someone else. 

This pattern of thinking is not helpful to you, and it needs to stop. You should cease an behavior that keeps you hanging on. There is a magic inrelease. If you are meant to be with her, nothing can keep you apart. For now, you need to disengage. Releasing is not something you can fake. You have to really let go. Letting go may expedite her coming back to you, but you can't do it for this reason. She is not with you now, and that reality must be faced.

How to Release: 

Cease any behavior that propels you toward her. No more phone calls. Avoid places you may see her if possible. You also need to quit thinking about her and imagining a reunion. Every time you start thinking of her, say (either out loud or silently), "I release you to your highest good. I am free now." As you let go, a strange thing will happen. The Universe will begin to support you. Synchronistic events and spontaneous good will arise to distract you or pull you in another direction. Repeat this release, even if you have to do it dozens of times a day. Because you will be getting positive results, it will become easier and easier to do.

Step Two: Focus on Your Life Vision. 

It is said that what you look for in another is only yourself. Refocus on your own life when you're plagued with thoughts of your ex-loves. This is healing. As you go through the grieving that is natural upon a break-up, begin to open to a vision of your life as you want it. Include not only the perfect relationship but also your life's mission and most importantly, an image of you at your best-in your power and flourishing, living your life to the fullest. 

Each time you begin to think of your former love, set these thoughts aside and instead contemplate the vision you've begun to create of yourself. Rather than falling into despair or plotting how to get her back, do something concrete to begin making this vision a reality. Your time is better spent, and this refocusing forces you back into honoring your highest self. 

Step Three: Dissolve the Pain. 

Both of the previous steps will help you handle the pain of emotional release. However, if you have had other wounds in your life, you have built up a large emotional "pain body" that has been reactivated by this break-up. It is time to dissolve this pain body so that you'll never experience such deep loss again. 

Do this by allowing yourself to feel all of the pain you have stored up inside. Know that tears are healing, a release in and of themselves. Allow yourself to sob in the shower. Embrace the part of you that is inconsolable. Instead of fighting the pain in your heart (and any other physical symptoms), let them be, accepting them fully as part of your healing. 

As your pain body is dissolved, begin a practice that will keep you free from storing up more pain in the future. Teach yourself to not take on any new pain. To do this, you must change your perspective. First, know that no one is trying to hurt you. They're doing the best they can, and are simply showing you their limits of their insensitivity. This will help you to quit taking things personally and to forgive. 

Secondly, quit feeding your pain. Many of us-especially those we would label "drama queens" (and kings)-need to experience pain in order to feel alive. For others, much of our identity is wrapped up in being a victim. The next time you begin feeling pain, catch yourself. Tell yourself, "I'm thinking of him again." The simple act of noticing how you feed your pain will begin to dissolve it immediately. Next, do whatever is necessary to not let the pain mushroom into a full-blown despair. You may need to distract yourself or remember all the good you have in your life. 

As you dissolve your pain body and learn new patterns, your release will go very quickly. You will propel yourself into states of happiness and peace you didn't know existed.

          Not only will this break-up not kill you, but it may be the best thing that ever happened to you. The pain of a break-up can push you into a world of magic, of release and of healing that you otherwise might not have entered. 

          And even though you may think your ex is the be-all, end-all, of your life, undoubtedly there is more love, even better love right around the corner.

           Perhaps, a groovy kind of love is just around the corner waiting for you.





P/S

To you whom I haven't met yet, is there really a secret? I don't think so frankly. God gave me this beautiful 'gift' called words. With words, I create a beautiful friendship in my life. With words, I won a girl heart before, and with words, we can make a person life a better day. I admitted that one of my weakness is that I don't have the appearance of a handsome guy. But I make up most of the weakness by words. Nothing but words. 

Put that in your heart, and never ever forget, that I love you so much, way before we meet each other. Read all the letter I posted in Facebook, and smile, because when I see you smile, I know I had colored your world. Now this is what I called a groovy kind of love


I'm waiting for you,

The Half Moon Serenades.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Saying I Love You


 
Mother Teresa once said:

"The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread."        

          The climax of just about every love story is that key moment when the object of affection looks longingly into the others eyes; their heart pounds so fast that it sends paralyzing jolts of euphoria throughout the body, and then..

They say those three little magic words… 

I love you. 

          This scenario is maybe what we see in the movies, but it is also how we imagine it happening in real life. And, quite frankly how it really should be. Anything else is nothing short of a disappointment. 

          So, how can you ensure that your first “I love yous” will play out like the scene you’ve always envisioned? Read on.


           One of the most important things to know about saying I love you is that, from the receiver’s point of view, having someone tell you that they love you when the feelings aren’t reciprocated is a horrible feeling. 

           All of a sudden, feelings of fear and a sense of obligation emerge. With this in mind, take the following advice to heart if you are the one saying the first, “I love you.” 

          Even though being honest to yourself and others is of utmost importance, taking your partner’s feelings into consideration is an equally necessary component. We often tell ourselves we are experiencing true love when we feel lust, excitement and connection. In my opinion, time is the only sure way to decipher the true nature of your emotions.


        You see, most people hear those words when you’re telling them that you love them. It’s what they want to hear, so they do. Hearing those words when you don’t reciprocate the feeling! 

         If you aren’t sure that what you're feeling is mutual or immutable, wait. It’s worth it. Hold your tongue until you’re sure to have a “movie moment.” The more anticipation you can build up, the better your moment. Pushing for this key moment will only cheapen it.


         Imagine yourself marrying this person and then, ten years down the road, you’re reminiscing. “Oh, honey, do you remember the first time I said ‘I love you’?” 

        How do you want that memory to be? I think some people treat the words so casually, that they forget soon after, but there are some who will forever keep the memory because they prevented prematurely saying, “I love you.”

         Perhaps a groovy kind of love is just around the corner for you. 


P/S

To you whom I haven't met yet, what is love but the strong emotion and feelings in us that being trapped? I believe that love is simple, yet it is hard to understand. 

If you were in my eyes for a day, you'd see the beauty that filled with joy, I find it in your eyes, and near where magic or loyalty. 

If you were in my heart for a day, you might have an idea, from what I hear, when you embrace me strong one day.

If you were in my soul for a day, would you know what is in me? What I fell in love? From that moment with you.

The only feeling is love.



Loving you one day, 

The Half Moon Serenades.