Thursday, March 3, 2011

The Love Tank of Our Heart


         Michael Leunig once said:

"Love one another and you will be happy, it is a simple as that."

        Love is like a tank full of water. Then, a question popped up in my mind, what fills my love tank and are there any floaters?

       There was a time when I volunteered at the orphanage, a girl came into my room with her eyes filled with crystal clear tears and her sharp chin drooping with the weight of sadness. The reality set in when she heard her own beautiful voice saying what she knew but didn't want to believe. She then uttered:

"Something`bad happened. Eve died!" 

         She was overwhelmed with grief at the loss of a koi fish that I forgot even existed in the orphanage fish tank. The little girl, Jenny, was experiencing the pain of losing something she loved. Eve, the koi fish existence filled Jenny's heart with happiness. 

        She filled her love tank, so to speak. Upon finding poor Eve floating belly up, she no longer had the presence of dear koi fish. Now her tacky little fish tank was representative of her heart. It was less full.

      Life throws some mean punches, doesn't it? To unleash our emotions and cling to something or someone is as natural as breathing. Yet toys deteriorate, metal gets dented, electronics fall into the toilet and have technical difficulties, someone tries to revive it by baking it in the oven and it suffers irreparable damages, and we are flawed and will be on both the giving and receiving ends of hurt and disappointment. 

         Yet longing, loving is never an option is it? Why does the yearning never cease? We love and lose, only to love again. Or we love, and keep loving, only never to be really fulfilled by that which we love. We're made with a love tank, it seems, and its need to be filled. 

       Like Jenny, I grieve when things that bring me temporary happiness are gone. Therein lies the rub, huh? I tend to focus more on that which is temporal rather than that which is eternal. 

          I spend more time thinking about ___. 

        Fill in the blank with whatever your heart desires.Fame, fortune, sex, food, perfection, status, toys, bigger-better-newer-faster toys, the perfect golf swing, the perfect kid, the position, the club, to be "in" instead of "out" of the "in" whatever the "in" is at the moment as far as you know for right now, etc. The list goes on. 

         I think God wants us to find pleasure with things in our lives, but with a proper perspective. When will I realize that the "things" I allow into my love tank are there for my temporary enjoyment, not my ultimate fulfillment? With passionate devotion, why don't I cling to the one where love itself finds its source?

        When the punches are thrown, I'm prone to wander, though. I'm weak to temptation and arrogant about doing life my way. Still, my heart gravitates to so many things that won't fulfill my love tank. They won't, because they can't. 

         We claim things, they don't claim us. The fact is, "things" don't endure because "things" have no obligation to us. We bring the things into our world. How ironic is it that God began his redeeming relationship with his people not with a proposition, but with a promise. "I will be your God." He committed Himself to us! 

        In spite of ourselves, He claims us. I need to trust my fulfillment to come from the one who promises to be my portion. Out of gratitude, I should faithfully cling to the author of my being who promises to never leave me nor forsake me. My love tank was created to be filled, ultimately fulfilled, by the very one who created it. 

        Maybe if I meditated more on the spiritual rather than the temporal longings of my heart, I'd actually be more free to love because my ultimate fulfillment wouldn't be contingent upon the existence or absence of a dead, floating fish, for example.

           Just as Eve's presence created a (temporary) sense of happiness for Jenny, God's presence creates a fulfilling love that produces a peace that passes all understanding. He keeps and completes His promises. 

       That gives me hope. Our heart longs for that presence because His love is the only love that has no end. He doesn't leave us, because He can't. We exist in His world. I like word pictures, so I'm going to visualize my love tank as if it's that tacky little fish tank. 

        How full is my love tank, and who or what do I trust to fill it? I need to slow down and examine its contents, the desires of my heart, more often. I'm sure I'll find some floaters.

       The one who will love me with all her heart and the one who will hold my hands when the morning comes.

      Perhaps this groovy kind of love is worth waiting after all.


To you whom I haven't met yet, love teaches us that it is an act of happiness that is blind because we look forward for it in our mind. In my view, to find someone that love me for no reason in her mind, will make me shower her life with reasons which is the ultimate happiness.

The days that I will spend with you one day, I will look to it as a journey to the sky, filled with a beautiful scent of roses and lavender crossing above the perfumed garden, sheltered by amazing rainbow that shadowed the natural fountain of waterfall.

Will you be there for me every time my heart is lonely and be my destiny in this empty heart?

Will you be there just to say you are mine one day and asking me why I love you endlessly?

My mysterious someone, put in your heart the fact that I had fallen in love with you way before we knew each other. Just think of you, it makes my day.

When you are alone and watching the gray sky, when there is stories behind your smiles, remember that there is someone out there, which is me, that want your love just more than a little while.

I love you, for every seconds that I am waiting for you to appear in my life.

Missing you,

Half Moon Serenades.

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