Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Love Is In The Eyes of Beholder


        Love is beautiful. 

        It is the mysterious force that binds people to those around them. It has infinitely many forms, and each of the forms never stays the same for long. Love is always evolving, and changing intensity. My own experience with love comes in many forms. I love many people, and many things, all in different ways. It can sometimes be ugly, but it is always beautiful. 
 
        I've had a fascination with love all my life. I used to write stories about a man that I some day hoped to be, and how I would find the perfect woman for myself, my soulmate, and fall in love with her. They would have the perfect relationship and never fight. I thought that was what love was supposed to be like, and why it was so special to people. And the next things happened is, I had fallen in love with a girl from Ipoh, which I knew in Facebook.

       This idea threw me for a long time. When I first began dating at the century-old railway building, I was dead set on finding that perfect kind of love, and discarded any relationship that began to seem like it wouldn't live up. 

         Finally, in looking at the relationships of others, I began to find that this form of love didn't exist. That didn't mean that love didn't exist, but the love I saw around me was a messier, more complicated version. And I couldn't find any two forms of love that were identical. 

          Every loving relationship I saw had its own qualities and idiosyncrasies.
When I later began taking part in romantic relationships, I learned firsthand how imperfect love was. Still, it was exciting.
 
        Being in love is one of the most thrilling experiences a person can have. It was amazing to me, and still is, how our love for each other could spontaneously evolve from friendship to romance almost overnight. It continued to grow and become stronger, and then became weaker towards the end of the relationship, but it was always love, and it was always beautiful. 

       The ability to morph from one shape and substance to another is one of the most beautiful qualities of love. Even though the love I feel for my ex-girlfriend has changed drastically from what it used to be, what I feel for her is still love. I will forever be bound to her for being my first love, something that will never change.
 
       When I first met my first love, we felt instinctively drawn to one another. I don't know if that's what people mean when they talk about "love at first sight," but there was definitely an immediate attraction. The second we started talking we had an instant connection, and found that we shared many of the same interests and values and ideas. That feeling that you get from meeting someone like that is an example of how beautiful and magical love can be. It is one of the most exciting things that you can experience.
 
           It is so fascinating to me how you can go your whole life without knowing a person, and then when you meet them they just fit into your life and you can't imagine how you were ever without them. It is impossible to know where love comes from, or why, but it comes into your life and you make room for it. You are happy to accommodate it because of all the joy it brings you.

          The love I experienced is very different from the kind that I anticipated as a child. Granted, I have not yet found my soul mate, if she does exist, but I still believe that that relationship will consist of the same conflicts and complications as all the others. That kind of love, though, real love, is much more beautiful because of its complications and uniqueness. It is something that exists and has never existed before, something that is constantly changing. 

          Love is the purest example of how tied to each other we all are, as humans. We attract each other, we pursue each other; we become attached to and grow to crave each other's company. 

         Romantic love, as in all love, can certainly have an ugly side. I have never experienced a love that didn't come with its share of heartache. People forget how dependent they are on each other for happiness and aren't careful enough with each other's feelings. People who love each other are more capable of hurting each other than anyone. That power can be ugly, but power itself is beautiful. The fact that people have enough faith in another person, in the joys of love, that they allow themselves to be vulnerable to such pain, is a beautiful thing.
 
         The purest form of love, unconditional love, is what I find the most beautiful. My mother love me unconditionally. It is so deep and unchanging, something that exists no matter what else happens in the world. My mother know me better, and longer than anyone else in the world. I probably know them better than most people too. There is something beautiful about that, about a connection that exists between people and will last forever.
 
          Love can have varying levels of intensity. Possibly the most fragile type of love is that which I share with my friends. Friends are the quickest to lose sight of their love for each other, and because they have neither blood nor a declared commitment to each other, they feel the least tied to one another. This makes it difficult to get through the harder times during a friendship, and is one of the ways love can show its ugliness. 

             Loving others is one of the best ways to become a better person. The love you feel arouses your curiosity and makes you interested in learning more about others, and as a result, the world we live in. When you love someone, you do everything you can to take care of them and try to make them happy, This often means sacrificing the things that make you happiest. Learning to be more giving and selfless is an incredibly beautiful thing.

           I believe my obsession with romantic music stems from my obsession with love. I write music myself, and I've noticed the songs that turn out much better than others are the ones about love. This can mean love of any kind, the love of other people, the love of life, love of nature, love of a hobby or interest. Love implies passion, and passion inspires beautiful music. When people care about things, they choose words and notes more shrewdly, and are able to create sounds that are entirely unique to that particular song. 

          As I love music, I also believe that the word "love" can apply to objects, places, and experiences. This form of love can serve as a sort of substitute for the love of others when one is all alone. Usually, however, I've noticed that my love of objects and abstracts tend to stem from my love of people. 

          For example, I love the sound of the ocean, because it reminds me of being at the beach with my first love. I love thunderstorms because it reminds me of crawling in bed, feeling absolutely safe despite the howling on the other side of the window. Our connections with people stem into all aspects of our lives, and make us feel loved even when we are not surrounded by those who care about us most.
 
        Perhaps you might say that because I'm only twenty-three years old, I couldn't possibly know that much about love. However, I think the wonderful thing about love is that it's something everyone can experience. As you get older, you certainly have more opportunities to love others and be loved. That doesn't mean that the love I feel, or that a five year old feels, is a no less accurate portrayal of what love is. It is whatever I feel it is, as well as whatever that five-year-old feel it is. 

          Love, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.
 
        I think the reason that love is such a beautiful thing is because it is a lot like beauty itself. It is that unspeakable connection to certain people or things for unexplainable reasons. It is very abstract, can be hard to describe, and is something that everyone defines differently and applies to many different types of things.

       It heightens our emotions and makes us feel truly alive. People will never lose their fascination with it, because it is inside us all to feel it, to share it, to let it fill our lives.

       Perhaps, in my eyes, it is just a groovy kind of love.
      It is amazing, the love inside me, can't be shared with someone that really love me with all her heart. Maybe one day, such girl will exist or maybe it is my destiny to be alone. 


P/S
To you whom I haven't met yet, I want to be with you one day. Years of loneliness and being dumped by my first love because I am sick, really make me bored. But I never lose my hope to meet you one day, because in my mind, the beauty of love won't be overshadowed by my illness, the love in my eyes will always searching for you. If you ever read this blog one day, put in your heart the fact that I love you so much, way before we knew each other. As the fire kept on burning, as the birds flying so high, as the wheels keep on turning, my love for you will never die. Because the love in my heart, is the only myth that never change.

1 comment:

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