Michael Hickenbottom once said that:
"Somewhere along the line, I had lost my smile and maybe I should stop and have the vacation of a lifetime."
You are sitting with your cell phone staring at a text message you wrote to your ex hours ago. You debate whether to send it or not. You stare at your phone while your mind tells you to have more respect for yourself. You logically understand that sending the message is not going to make the situation any better – nor will it heal your pain.
Then your heart enters the scene and overpowers your mind.
Your heart says,
“Go ahead, send it, you will feel better…temporarily at least.”
The scenario above represents one example of a misalignment between your heart and your mind that is a common occurrence after a break up. Every decision you make is determined by a combination of your logic and emotion. If these different elements that make you who you are happen to conflict, you will understandably feel conflicted and make decisions that reflect this turmoil.
The concept of alignment will help you understand why you may have been in a relationship that was not good enough for you. It will also help you understand how to use your logic to help heal your broken heart. Let’s look at some more examples of what happens when your heart and mind disagree with one another.
During the Relationship
Your mind says, “I deserve more – this relationship is not right.”
Your heart says, “Stay, it will work out.”
If you were in a relationship where it was obvious that you were not receiving the love, respect, and engagement that you deserve, then your mind was probably nudging you during the relationship and asking you, “Why are we still here?”
You remained in that relationship for longer than you should have because your heart believed that your mate and relationship could change.
Your heart believed that it was better to be in a relationship that was mediocre than to be alone.
Your heart was saying to you, “Hey, give it a chance, it’s not that bad.”
Your mind and heart were not aligned and this probably led to fighting, to an internal struggle, and eventually the break up.
Often when we want more from a relationship than we are getting, we continually try to get ‘more’ by attempting to change the person we are with or by forcing other changes in the relationship. This is generally a destructive path.
During the Relationship
Your heart says, “This relationship is everything I need.”
Your mind says, “There are red flags here that I shouldn’t ignore.”
When one partner in a relationship is not happy, they usually provide indications either verbally, in the form of passive-aggressive behavior, or via non-verbal actions of their discontent. If you are the other partner that is madly in love, you do actually receive the red flags as signals in your mind.
Unfortunately, your heart overpowers your logic in this case. Your heart speaks so loudly about how in love you are and how perfect everything is, that you drown out the messages your mind has received.
Eventually, after the break up, it is easier to see the red flags were present in your relationship. You also may realize that some of the reason you were deeply attached to your ex was because you loved the idea of being in love. If you relate to this scenario, remember, you deserve a love with equal give and take.
Reciprocity is essential to the success of a relationship and you should never have to convince someone to love you as much as you love them.
After the Break Up
Your mind says, “I am going to be okay. In fact, before long, I’m going to feel like myself.”
Your heart says, “The pain is excruciating, I don’t think I will ever feel at peace again.”
After your break up, if you sit quietly and listen to your inner voice, you will hear hope inside. This hope is telling you that you will feel better, that you will live life once again with passion, and that you will experience love once again.
The information you are being sent from your mind is based on your history and the fact that you have overcome obstacles in the past. Your mind remembers the times where you have faced adversity and have come out on the other side stronger and brighter.
Your heart is speaking out of fear; listen to your mind – it has a strong basis for giving you hope.
Listen to words from friends, family, and counselors even if they do not feel like they are helping to heal your broken heart. Every single word helps.
Listen to every word someone with experience has to tell you. Up until now, we haven’t discussed the subconscious mind. Positive messages to your subconscious mind can overpower negative ones from your heart.
Everything you are reading and listening to about healing is entering your subconscious and will help you heal faster.
Above I have discussed the logical mind being overpowered by a somewhat illogical heart based on my own experience. My heart is aching when my first love left me when I am suffering from a tumor at my neck but my mind, is saying to me, I still love her and will never let her go.
But, at the end of the day, when the other half of your sky have a change in their heart, you can't do anything more other than wishing them silently,
"I want you to be happy, smile always my angel, may you and your new sweethearts last forever."
However, please note, the situation can certainly occur in reverse. Your heart may experience genuine love yet have seeds of doubt planted by an insecure mind.
In either situation, if you are looking to heal your heartache from your current break up, you can begin in your mind to see where your heart stands.
As always, perhaps it is a groovy kind of love that we experienced in our life.
To you whom I haven't met yet, life has taught me that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but instead, life taught me that one day, when I met you, we will be looking outward together in the same direction. Appear in my life one day, my mysterious someone. Let your love be like the misty rain, coming softly, yet flooding my heart and mind like a dashing river. For you see, each day I will love you more and today going to be more than yesterday and less than tomorrow. Put in your heart that one day, when we finally met each other, our love will be like a garden with beautiful blooms, straggling weeds, swooping birds and most importantly, sunshine and rain that will enlighten the seeds of our love.
Will I love you one day because you are beautiful?
I will love you because your love makes me beautiful in my heart and mind.
And that is the love that I found in you.
Put in your heart the fact that I love you way before we met with each other.
Loving you always,
Half Moon Serenades.. :)