Sunday, February 19, 2017

Letters 511: Sparrowly Love

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly the essential invisible to the eyes."

- Antoine de Saint- Exupery (The Little Prince, 1943)


To whom I haven't met yet, 

           I am thankful for the many humble moments in my life. Day by day, it reminds me that the simplest thing often have the greatest value & the best of joy. Each morning as I put on my shoes before I leave for work, I prayed in my heart to God so that He can give me the power to help those less confident to navigate through the hardest part of their life.

           Dear hummingbird, not everything about life is full of high notes. I have been struggling with a number of inconveniences this week, at work place & private life. There are times when I feel like giving up because I do not seem to be able to help my client & at the same time, I went down with flu & chronic all over my mouth. But those hard moments pass when I remind myself that it is possible to get through even the darkest night when one has the light of hope shining within.

           In two months time, I will be one year older. People said as our age added up, we will sit back & watch life happen to other people. To be honest, I am not that kind of person. I viewed myself as someone who just wants to know things, feel things & understand things. You know, the kind of person who can't even close their eyes for a second for fear of missing it.

           For the past three months, I shared with you every week about my efforts in courting someone. Unfortunately, I did not have any good news to share with you as things clearly did not get any better. Silence I discover is something that I can actually hear. If I knew it gonna be like this, I might reconsider the decision to be honest & opening up. But it happens. I fell for someone & I decided to let her know about it. I guess time is the only answer for her silence.       

            Until then, wherever you are in this world, always remember that the only limits for tomorrow are the doubts you have today. You will be my angel one day, someday. Have a wonderful weekend there.


p.s

All endings are also beginnings. We just do not know it all the time.


For the other half of the sky,

The Half Moon Serenades.
19th of February 2017.      

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Letters 510: A Time to Love

"I I could dream at all, it would be about you."

- Stephenie Meyer (Twilight, 2005)


To whom I haven't met yet,

           Today is 14th of February, popularly known worldwide as Valentine's Day. Those of us who without other half may not fully appreciate the beauty of a bouquet of roses, but it is really true that on this day, love shines brightest in the dark. 

           Love is not all sunshine. There are times when we feel like we are walking through very dark alleys. Today, as I opened the newspaper at my office, I saw a piece of news regarding one husband having extra-marital relationship with a secondary school girl while his wife was on confinement period. Sad right? Some guys in this world did not how to show appreciation to their wife who gave birth to their offspring. At times like this, I believe it is only natural that his wife yearn to see the light of love for one more time.

           Dear hummingbird, I have, in the past 4 years, felt like I was walking through a very dark alley with no end in sight. I thought of giving up in finding you. But life is full of miracles. It is always when I am at the lowest ebb that something invariably happens. Few months ago, I opened up my feelings to someone. It was a huge relieve for me. I told her about things that I wanted to share with you for quite sometimes. Many a story shared may not be remembered by her today but they are the stories that truly matter. 

            There are times when I felt it will be a useless thing to do. It is like an ordinary sparrow going head to head with the majestic eagles that soars above everyone. But I am thankful for the many humbling silence from her lately. They are reminder to me that simplest confession often came with turbulence response but deep in the heart, it also bring the greatest joy. 

            These are experience that add new perspectives & feed the soul. It added strength & teach me to count my blessing by loving others. Until the day arrived, I will continue my journey in search of you. I wish you nothing but the best in your life wherever you are in this world.


p.s

The heart is not like a box that gets filled up. It expands in the size the more I loved you.


For the other half of the sky,

The Half Moon Serenades.
14th of February 2017.
           

Thursday, February 9, 2017

Letters 509: Trial & Sorrow

"People say that eyes are windows to the soul."

- Khaled Hosseini (The Kite Runner, 2003)


To whom I haven't met yet,

           Few days ago, I took the elderly cleaner at my office for a quick lunch at the newly opened Japanese restaurant at The Top. It was unplanned lunch as early in the morning, I overheard the conversation between her & another cleaner about her upcoming birthday outing with eldest son. 

           Over the next hour, we chatted about almost everything. It was a wonderful eye-opening experience. The irony of it all was that this old lady had been the cleaner at my place for the past two years & I had no time to treat her for a lunch other than simple hello even though she was the first person I would meet the moment I stepped into the office. 

           On the other hand, yesterday I went to the shelter home with a big cheesecake to celebrate one of the orphan birthday. Halfway there, I accidentally dropped that cheesecake on the seat of my car. Well, as there was no other alternative, I went to Starbucks & purchased a new cheesecake, doubled the price. The girl requested for a new shirt but I ended buying four new shirts for her (blame it on my lack of shopping skills).
          
           Anyway hummingbird, in the noon, few clients asked me to accompany them for karaoke session in Queensbay Mall. They even put RM 1000 on the table with a bet that I can't belt out the song without looking at the lyrics. But little that they know I actually can & they ended poorer by RM 1000. It is not a lot of money but I do not mind belting out rap songs too if they doubled up the bet. 

            About her, saying those words actually turned out to be a wonderful diversion in the journey of my life. To be honest, whether she will respond to the words or simply ignoring it does not matter as for me, my main hope is that she lived her life to the fullest wherever she ended up one day. But of course, sometimes we chatted a lot too. She mentioned about how bored she is with her current life. All I can say to her is to be patience & let the life color itself. I liked her, all of her. Her flaws, her mistakes, her silly questions, her imperfections. I wish that she will never stop believing in herself.

            Until then, have yourself a wonderful life out there. 


p.s

Always remember, behind every trial & sorrow, He makes us stronger. God always have a reason.


You will be the apple of my eyes,

The Half Moon Serenades.
9th of February 2017.

Saturday, February 4, 2017

Letters 508: Of Journey, Hope & Love

"Some birds are not meant to be caged."

- Stephen King (Rita Hayworth & the Shawshank Redemption, 1982)


To whom I haven't met yet, 

              For me, everyone needs a break once in awhile. The basic understanding is that people who are less stressed are healthier, happier & livelier. Well, I am not sure whether everyone shared the sentiment with me, but I reckon that all of us can actually have a long break if we try harder. 

               Each time I asked my colleagues to get away for recharge, they will always give me tonnes of excuses. Yours truly here however is completely a different person from them. At least one month in a year, I will take a month long break from the work & go on vacation in places around Malaysia or if God permitted, any countries in this world. Occasionally during my trip, I get a chance to talk to strangers. I heard stories from there, some is a joy to listen, but mostly a heart-breaking one.

                Indeed my hummingbird, life is all about making choices. We may occasionally make the wrong turns. I did tonnes of wrong turns in my life. But I take those detours as useful lessons until my life truly enriched with positiveness. I guess the secret to living in a busy world is to slow down & make time for ourselves. I am thankful for all those trips that I did for the past few years.

                  Currently I am in pursuit of happiness. In fact things in picking up quite faster that I expected in business. Not a single day passed by without me saying thank you to the Power above for making things easier day in day out. Hopefully everything will be just fine through the year of 2017. 

                   Talking about hope, I can only wish that the girl I currently courted remain hopeful in her life. I know it is not easy for people at her age to make life changing decision. But I hope she embrace the reality that every day is a new beginning. I believe if she put a high hope in her life, she will see that everything is not so hopeless after all. It is like when we looks at things with our heart & not just with our eyes or hearsay from others, a different picture emerges. In case you ever stumbled upon this paragraph (I believe you know who you are), never give up & follow your heart in making decision, will you? :)

                     Until then, put in your heart the fact that all this 508 letters was in fact, part of a journey in search of you. Only when we can love in tough times then we will able to love in good times.


p.s

I wish the best of life for you, without asking for anything, but to be okay. That is love that I found in my heart.


Yours truly,

The Half Moon Serenades.

4th of February 2017. 

Monday, January 30, 2017

Letters 507: A Glimpse of Heaven

"You have to love something before you can hate it."

- Nicholas Sparks (The Last Song, 2009)


To whom I haven't met yet,

            As I take a sit at the table waiting for the Chinese New Year reunion dinner to begin, I heard two uncles next to me discussing something about their life. They noticed that young parents these days (my cousins) worry about the child's college education even when their baby is barely able to walk. 

            Dear hummingbird, I could not help but to agree with them silently in mind. In my life, I saw young parents work too hard in order to maximize their income capacity. The joy of parenting takes second as they focused their energy towards work. Sometimes, I do not understand why some people too fixated on the future until they lose out on what the present can give to them.

            To be honest, I have been much blessed by God in my life. Some people asked me how can I be so lucky & remain positive amidst the many negative people that appeared around me day by day. For me, life is a journey full of trials & tribulations. It is not like I am Mr.Perfect. I did cry few times. But I did not show it or mention about it publicly. I can be moved by my surroundings but unless I continue my journey, they are just sad emotions, soon entrenched deep in the heart.

             There are many things that money can buy depending on one capability in life.There are also many things that money cannot buy such as time, values & love. I am always amazed how easy some guys managed to court girl that they liked. I must confess, for the first time, I am speechless when I told her that I liked her. But you know what was the best part of telling her about it? It is a question that cannot be easily answered because every courting is unique. Two different people with two different mindset is a challenge itself. Anyway, the best part of writing to her was that piece of e-mail itself give me strength to carry on, one step at a time. Every message from her without any rejection is indeed a bonus because I know the chance is close to nothing. I guess that is what journey in life is all about.

            I am thankful that there is this silver lining in my life all the time. I hope wherever you are in this world, life will always be nice to you too. Until then, have yourself a wonderful celebration.


p.s

To love is to receive the glimpse of heaven.



Yours sincerely,

The Half Moon Serenades.
30th of January 2017.

Monday, January 23, 2017

Letters 506: Faith

"You don't have to understand but you just have to have faith, faith in destiny."

- Sara Thomas (Serendipity, 2001)


To you whom I haven't met yet,

             For me, there is joy in both giving & receiving if we did it in the right spirit. You see life is not all sunshine. There are times when some of us feel like we are walking through very dark back alley. People said, boys don't cry but it is fine to cry once in awhile. 

             I cried before in my life. There was a time when I went to give the old folks at retirement home Christmas presents, their words just simply, heart-breaking. I got into my car & tears streamed down. But as hard as we cried, we also need to be brave to face the reality named world. Life for me is a faith.

            Talking about my life in the past few days. I do not understand why humans can be so cruel to each other. The ladies at my office organized this so called 'ladies day out' for Chinese New Year late shopping. Everyone but this one young lady. Not just they did not asked her, they even have the guts to tell her that she need to rest more (her face scared because of splashed hot cooking oil few weeks back).

            Dear hummingbird, I can see the 'wanting' in her eyes. So I went up to her & asked if she mind going out for breakfast with this fatty bum bum (yours truly of course & yes usually my face is thicker than the Great Wall of China) the next day. To my surprise, she said yes of course. Make it short, that breakfast turned into hilarious shopping experiences. Hilarious because your man here went to a shoe store, try a pair of shoes, only to be told by the salesgirl that the shoes is meant for woman.

          Anyway, I have no shame to be honest. It is just hanging out, not even a date. If I think carefully, I remember I went out a midget lady, a plump woman, a grandmother (not mine), even a prostitute (no sexual incident, thank God). My life is indeed a blessing.

          About the courting, I've confessed to her with no expectations only to profess. It is not gonna be easy, it is gonna be very hard but I want to do that. It does not matter whether she is in a good mood, bad mood, ugly mode, pretty mode or whatever she gonna be tomorrow. After all, I am just another guy, telling a girl, that I liked her very much.

           Until then, have yourself a wonderful day ahead. 


p.s

I am just exactly where I want to be. :)



To destiny,

The Half Moon Serenades.
23rd of January 2017. 

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Letters 505: Of Love, Hope & Scrabble

"And in this moment I swear, we are infinite."

- Stephen Chbosky (The Perks of Being a Wallflower, 1999)


To you whom I haven't met yet,

              I don't know if I will have the time to sit down properly for a lunch & dinner, because lately I was so busy with work. I have been waking up early, as early as 5.30 a.m. in the past few weeks. You know that kind of time when sunrise is still some time off & the birds have yet to start their chirping. Yes, that kind of time. 

               I took the opportunity to wake up & went for a slow jog or walk at Penang Botanical Gardens. It is a good time to pause, reflect & pray. It was not just about my own life in which I am grateful day by day, but also reflection about people around me. 
              Penang Botanical Gardens was a place where tonnes of scenes happened in my life. It was the first botanical garden that I visited in my life. It used to be less crowded unlike today where it looks more like a Tsukiji Fish Market in Japan. Can you imagine, the first I visited this place 20 years ago, a monkey snatched the apple that I hold in my hand? From that moment, I hold everything tightly each time I entered this place. But I never afraid of coming here again. Each time I came here, I hope there will be less drama, less monkeys & less chaos.

              Every day begins with hope. The moment I stepped out from my house, I prayed & hope for a good weather because if the rains come, there goes my smooth drive to office. But how do we remain hopeful? I know it is not too easy. But a good start is to embrace the reality that every day is a new beginning. 

               I mean I wake up every morning not knowing what gonna happen or who I am going to meet or where I am going to end up. Just the other day, I drove all the way to Ipoh for a plate of taugeh chicken rice, had my lunch with bunch of strangers.

               Dear hummingbird, life is a gift. I do not intend on wasting it knowing that I did not give myself a chance to tell a girl that I currently courting. Every morning, I messaged her good wishes, hoping that she have a better day ahead. Maybe it is kinda annoying for her but I hope she learn to take life as it comes to her. As the day comes to an end, I wish her good night, hoping she have sweetest of sweet dreams & to make each sleep counts. I just want her to end the day without losing any hope. 

               As I put a stop for this letter to you, I just want you to know that I will continue my search for you. People said that this searched will end up as nothing. But you are my world. One day, when you finally read all my letters, I want you to know, somewhere out there before, there is someone who never lose his hope in finding you.

               Until then, have yourself a wonderful day hummingbird.


p.s

Yours truly here took a day off from work & went to the old folks home. One of the old man asked me to play Scrabble with him. Actually I can destroy him in the game. But I just pretend my vocabulary is the standard of primary school student & let him win.That happy face (he went around bragging about defeating me) is way much precious for me. That is love. 


For the other half of the sky,

The Half Moon Serenades.

19th of January 2017.

Friday, January 13, 2017

Letters 504: Moving On

"If I knew you could hear me, I would say our fingerprints don't fade from the lives we touch."

- Tyler Keats Hawkins (Remember Me, 2010)


To whom I haven't met yet,

              I saw a lot of people living a messy life. It is funny in a sad way how one was trapped & hung on to 2016 while 2017 is here, right in front of them. So messy that they found themselves drowning & gasping for air in seas of problem.

               I tried to talk with a female colleague about one heart-wrenching incident in her life (divorce). The conversation itself was heart-wrenching & hard for both of them. She was hurt because she found out that all this while her church-going husband involved in extra-marital affair. If I know this conversation ripped her wound apart, I will never ask her to share the painful story of her husband infidelity. 

               The conversation ended but before that, she told despite all the explanation & apologies uttered by her husband, none of them was happy because they did not attain the closure needed in order to move on.

                Dear hummingbird, moving on is something easy yet difficult in so many ways. I was beyond mess through the last quarter of 2013. I was literally having mental breakdown whenever I was alone. But as time goes by, I moved on in my life & cast the mental breakdown away. I found myself smiling again. Just like that. I contributed my energy in helping the orphan at shelter home & the old folks at retirement home. I've lost a lover but I've gained a meaningful life. I forgave her because there is a tiny part of my heart which is full with fond memory of her. 

                  For few years, I abstained myself from being in any sort of relationship. But last December, I told myself it is time to give my heart one more chance. I am not closing this chapter of my life, I am just writing a new ones. It is a new life after all. I want to fly kite & court someone again. Yes, I know I can't make the girl I currently courted liked me, but I can always make her happy.

                   That is what love & moving on is all about. 



p.s   

One day, I will love you not because of the way you look or the way you talk. It is because of all the unnoticed acts from you, the acts that makes me smile.



For the other half of the sky,

The Half Moon Serenades.
13th of January 2017.

Sunday, January 8, 2017

Letters 503: Everything

"When I had nothing to lose, I have everything."

- Paulo Coelho (Eleven Minutes, 2003)


To whom I haven't met yet,

              Here I am again for another letter, the 503rd & hopefully I should manage to say a lot before bedtime. It was a mix week for me to be honest. For the past few days, I haven't be able to do much as my back ache disturbed my daily routine. But today, I managed to get some good rest, a rest that I totally deserved. 

           When I least expected it, life sets me tonnes of challenges to test my courage & willingness to face the world. You see, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that I am not ready yet. Life does not look back. There are moments this week when troubles enters my life & I felt like giving up. But the problems is there for a reason. So I decided to face my fears & talk to my heart. 

            But other colleagues think exactly the opposite. They surrender themselves to fate without a second thought, hoping to find miracle to all their problems. They make others responsible for their work stuff. I decided not to give them any explanations, as people only hear what they want to hear.

            Dear hummingbird, sorry for the emotional outburst regarding my workplace. Let's talk about other stuff. For example, the courting process. Perhaps people will laugh at me but as strange as it sounds, I believe in miracle. But I should be thankful to God because at least one was give opportunity to love. When we love, we try to become better automatically, better than we are & everything around us becomes better too. Maybe her responds is kind of lukewarm, but it doesn't matter actually for me. I just wish her a good night sleep every night & wish her the best of the day the next morning. That is for me, a blessing. 

              As much as I wanted to write a long letter for you, I need to excuse myself from the laptop as my back ache is haunting me every seconds of the day. Until then. have yourself a wonderful week wherever you are. 



p.s

Certain things in life simply have to experienced & never explained. Love for you is such a thing.


For the other half of the sky,

The Half Moon Serenades.
8th of January 2017.  

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Letters 502: Angels

"It is quiet now. So quiet that you can almost hear other people's dreams."

- Gayle Forman (If I Stay, 2009)


To whom I haven't met yet,

       Here I am again for another letter to you (the first in 2017, the 502nd in 10 years). It was a long period of time & did you remember not too long ago, I mentioned that perhaps it is time for me to stop my writing soon? I told you that maybe the time is up & I should not wait anymore. Well, the truth is I am not.

       How can I stop writing when all this writing has been so inspiring & amazing right? For some people, my letters have been depressing & disheartening to read through. But I am proud of it because it is one of the way for me to keep me sane after long hours of work.

        Dear hummingbird, in future I know I do no need to seek refuge in my letters because my soul has found not just a shelter but a home in your heart. I am very sure it will be the last. *cross-fingers*

        As for the year 2017, I started the year with a bang. Like a real bang. The business flourished as expected after working days & nights. Also, I did few stuff from the bucket list. I brought my mom to few places that she longed to go before. Well, few days before 2016 ended, I wrote an e-mail to someone (not that she came from other states, Penangite through & through), telling her that about my feelings. Thank God I did that as I might regret if I kept it longer in my heart. Whether it is a success is another matter though, maybe not perhaps.

         Today letter is a short one as I am not feeling very well due to weird weather pattern for the past few days. But I just want you to know in future, I believe that as long as we know how feel for each other, we will be fine.

           In fact, we will be more than fine because you will be my angel.


p.s

Life always offers us a chance. Maybe not today, but it is called tomorrow.


For the other half of the sky,

The Half Moon Serenades.
4th of January 2016.