Thursday, March 23, 2017

Letters 517: The End

"Everything has to come to an end, sometimes.

- Lyman Frank Baum (The Marvelous Land of Oz, 1904)


To whom I haven't met yet,
              
         They said every good things must come to an end. I am pretty sure my blog is part of that 'good things'. How I wish this day never arrived. Sadly, today is the day I will end my blog, a dedication for you, the other half of the sky.

          For the past 11 years, I dedicated my time in putting into words about my life. I told you about everything, as much as I can. Not every day, but almost. I told you about my epic holiday around many countries in the world, I shared with you about my journey battling the neck tumor but most of the time, I told about my thought regarding you. It was the sweetest of sweet memories. 

          Also 11 years ago, I promised you that I will never stop until I finally found you. But I guess, I need to break the promise tonight. It is not the typical 'writer's block' moment. I liked doing it so much. So much until I did not care anymore whether this blog is earning money or not. 

          Dear hummingbird, there was a day, for no particular reason, I decided to write for you a long letter. So I wrote around 1000 words letter for you, The following week, I figured out since I wrote for you a long letter in the previous week, why not I just write a short letter this time. 

          As much as I would like to say tonnes of words to you in my last letter, I think I need to put the past behind. Sometimes, I felt like all this letters brings to nothing. No one stumbled upon it, no one fell in loved with this letter. 

         I don't know if we each have a destiny or maybe we're all just floating around accidental like on a breeze. But I think maybe it is both. Maybe both is happening at the same time. 

        With that, this beautiful memories comes to an end. :')



p.s

I failed but if there is anything you need, I won't be far away.


For the other half of the sky,
The Half Moon Serenades.

23rd of March 2017.

Saturday, March 18, 2017

Letters 516: Birthday

"In truth, you are weeping for that which has been your delight."

- Kahlil Gibran (The Prophet, 1923)


To whom I haven't met,

           Well, the weather has gone back to the old ways again here in Penang (hot & very high winds). At present it is blowing a gale outside my house yet the hotness is overwhelming. But I am inside & switching on two air-conditioning units at the same time, so why worry right?

               Last night, I chatted with her about my birthday date. To be honest, I did not even remember about my birthday till she asked about it. Talked about forgetfulness right? Two years ago, I bought 50 cheesecakes for kids at the orphanages/centers & the beggars on the street, the year after that was 100 boxes of Domino's Pizza. I am wondering, what I should buy this year? 

            Anyway, I did not get any birthday cake for the past 8 years. So I hope I have the chance to enjoy your baking one day for my birthday. Do you think I could have a piece of cake some day? I had a great notion on a cook once up in Malacca because she made me some nice tiramisus for my breakfast. Perhaps she was practicing out the old adage of 'road to a man's heart started from his tummy'. As I was never a handsome guy, I put it down to my personality (hahahaha).

            Dear hummingbird, I have never had a chance to properly baked something for someone that I loved. Never mind, i will have all the wee times to ourselves when our day comes. I know at times, I will probably feel as if I am not gonna meet you any time soon, but i will keep my chin up & look forward to the day when you will be home & the period of uncertainty are only a memory.

             516 letters in 10 years still couldn't describe how much I wish you can be here with me, every day, not just on my birthday. And with that remark my angel, I will finish for today as I have some paperwork to do now. God bless you.



p.s

I am not sure whether I should give up after such a long time. I think maybe it is about time I should stop writing anything. But as much I as I am having this writer's block moment, I realized that if I give up right here right now, I might not start it anymore in future. I guess this is what motivated me to tell myself, just one more letter each time. just one more letter. :)


Until my future birthday,

The Half Moon Serenades.
18th of March 2017. 

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Letters 515: The Road Less Traveled

"Your only limit is your soul."

- Remy (Ratatouille, 2007)


To whom I haven't met yet,

           Being mindful of my blessings last weekend brings many bonuses along the way. Such as spending my morning teaching kids, my noon cooking at home, my evening playing hide & seek with kids at the orphanage or my night, listening to music, alone in the room, without any workload piling on the table. I am simply too blessed to be stressed. 

           Each day, I woke up as early as 5.00 a.m., put the laundry to wash & jogged at Penang Botanical Gardens. Some questioned whether my action of jogging is motivate by any causes? The truth is no. Do I need to constantly seek the applause from everyone to a different drumbeat each I did something in my life? I jogged not because I want to tone down the weight. In fact, I did not care about being fat or skinny. I jogged because I want to be as healthy as possible. 

            When I jogged at the Gardens, there was much to observe along the way. I spotted tonnes of wild animals along the jogging path. My Samsung smartphone were dead silent & there was no rush to reply to any work related messages.That is the wonder of jogging inside the real nature. Some took a road less traveled by jogging in the forest instead of luxurious gym. I took that road. Each time I heard skeptical jokes about my action, I just took it as a casual remark to push me onward in the journey of life.

             I prayed to the Power above to push back to the time when everything was normal. He did, even though not exactly as what I wanted. I have been through a bit of roller-coaster ride in the past one month. The potential fallout with her felt horrible at times. But somehow, I never felt overwhelmed. Like I said, it can work one way. I believe all storms will pass & that passed it happened. I am thanking God each day I received words from her. 

              Until then, have yourself a wonderful life there. Have faith, will you? :)


p.s

I miss you.


For the other half of the sky,

The Half Moon Serenades.
15th of March 2017.    

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Letters 514: Reasons


"Do you believe that if a man apologize enough for what he done wrong, then he will get to go back to the time that was happiest for him & live there forever?"

- Arlen Bitterbuck (The Green Mile, 1999)


To whom I haven't met yet,

          We have all complained at some point in our unique life that destiny is unfair. We say there is no fairness when others (lazy bump for example) seem to get rewarded while us (the hardworking ones) get nothing but a pat on the back. In reality, the world simply drives u in quite jealousy direction. We get caught up in the busyness of trying to be better than someone, using up precious time & resources, for all the wrong reasons. 

           Few days ago, I was astonished to see a colleague that owed me thousands of ringgits, bought a new car, Honda Civic to be exact. The first thought that crossed my mind was what the hell? I had no shortage of supporters too. My fellow colleagues, immediately face-palmed himself the moment he saw our colleague arrived with his new car. I assumed he owed him more than how much he owed me. As we were making conversation, everyone had a story to share about this guy. We were not angry, nor did we go on tirade about how much he owed us. Rather some of us, were all thankful that finally he would not disturb us with his story of broken car. 

            Lately, I felt that some people found a shelter in my writings. They said my stories inspired them to move on with their life & to be strong in facing turbulence. In simple words, I touched their life. You see my hummingbird, the real carpe diem is not measured by how I showcased to the world about my life. It cannot even be measured in an earthly manner. It is not about how I helped people without accepting any form of payments. It is about being there, lending my ears to someone as he or she passes the most difficult moment in their life. 

              514 letters passed by but I failed in my search for you. I touched many hearts along the way, but I failed to touch or should I say to find the heart that matters (you heart of course). But I am not tired. I am not tired of writing countless letters to you even though I knew no one will ever read it. I am not tired of praying to God. I am grateful. Grateful because God still love me so much. My mother still living her life to the fullest despite her heart getting weaker. That itself was one of the reasons I am grateful to the power above. But at night time, when there was nothing to do & the house was all empty, I'd always think of you.

               As much as I would like to share with you few more stories, yours truly here need to prepare the documents for this Monday meeting. As such, i wish you the best of life wherever you are in this world. Until the next letter, have yourself a groovy kind of life.


p.s

There's a reason for everything. God must have had reason. Just believe.


For the other half of the sky, 

The Half Moon Serenade.
11th of March 2017.

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Letters 513: Of Joy & Turbulence


"Have you found joy in your life or has your life brought joy to others?"

- Carter Chambers (The Bucket List, 2007)


To whom I haven't met yet,

           In the past few weeks, I have experienced a few hardship in work that remind me how important it is for me to find joy amidst the turbulence. 

          Have I found joy in my life? I do not think I can ever come up with the perfect answer to this question. I assumed this question must, in a way remain unanswered in my life. I am grateful because I did not struggle for the right response to deal with this kind of turbulence. I have learnt that the best thing to as such moments is to do nothing at all. I could have been gung-ho & brave the turbulence, but I guess it was definitely wiser not to take the risk. 

          Dear hummingbird, if you remember few years ago, an old woman came to my office with three little kids in tow. She had little formal education & struggling to find a job that can support herself & the kids. Every day she travels a long way from Gelugor with bus to the rows of banks next to my office, to beg for money & mercy from everyone. Her monthly income, technically explain, is based on the money she received from begging. I asked her whether she wanted to start her own business if someone give her the necessary capital as kick-starter. She said yes & yours truly here help her to apply with the council for a space at the new food court at Brown Garden. 

           Fast forward to the year 2017, currently she enjoying her life as economy rice seller at the food court, earning four-digits income monthly. Last year, she came into my office with the money that I gave her as the capital. I declined as the money involved can be used for her business as rolling monthly income. But from that moment, each time I went there for lunch, she declined any sorts of payment from me. 

            You see, there is no need for me to give up easily each time I encountered turbulence in my life. Rather, it is good for my soul to reflect on how those with much less than me go about with their lives, thankful for each blessing that comes along the way. 

           Anyway, strange isn't it? I touched many lives in this world, from the beggar on the street to the kids at the center yet I failed to touch the heart of anyone out there after 513 letters in 10 years. But I believe, if I were going to try, I must go all the way. Let it be 1000 letters or 10 000 letters, all of this I believe are a test of endurance of how much I really want to do it. And I did it despite tonnes of obstacles in the worst odds. I simply told myself, I just haven't met you yet. But one day, there will be one girl out there willing to share her life with me despite tonnes of obstacles around her. That day & the subsequent days, it will be better than anything else we can imagine.

            Until then, live your life to the fullest my other half of the sky. It is just a matter of time. :)



p.s

Life moves pretty fast, right? But if you do not stop & look around once in a while, you could miss it. Take one step at a time in your pursuit of happiness. I will. 



For the other half of the sky,

The Half Moon Serenades.
5th of March 2017. 

Sunday, February 26, 2017

Letters 512: A Reflection of You

"As I see it, you are living with something that you keep hidden deep inside."

- Haruki Murakami (1Q84, 2009)


To whom I haven't met yet,

              Being mindful of blessings brings many bonuses along the way in my life. Even a simple walk at the mall today with my mother when I came back from work early enough makes me feels like heaven. Somehow someway, surely these are good reasons to be happy. 

            I am often asked whether I have a time to enjoy my life without thinking about work or family? I am most thankful that I have compared to others at my age. For some mid 20's guys, work took away their happiness & their joy until can no longer embrace their loved one. In fact, the free time never returned well until their 40's. People do not understand that real happiness is not about owning material things. This kind of mentality divides us into the haves & have-not. For me the definition of happiness comes from appreciating what we have, for example, our family, our friends & our other half of the sky.

             But not everything in my life is perfect. Few days ago, on 22nd of February, I almost withdraw into solitude. In fact, it was a day when I openly wept on the floor of the General Hospital wishing that my mother will be fine & win her battle. I looked into the contact list in my mobile phone, to find anyone to share about my feeling. But it was not easy to share because I broke down a number of times. There were plenty of hugs by nurses & I have never seen so many girls crying next to a grown man like me.

             Dear hummingbird, those were not the tears of despair. Rather, they were tears of hope & expectation. The nurses could see that while i was understandably emotional, there was still the inner happiness that radiated outwards the moment doctors said everything is fine with her. Apart from the assurance that God is watching us from above, I knew that my mother will never be alone in battle with her heart problem.  

              As I mentioned in my previous letter for you, perhaps I lost my personal battle to change her mind. Perhaps I make a mistake somewhere along the line leading to the fateful day that caused me to see walls being put up by her instead of bridges being built. But generally, I am happy for her. To see she lived up her life to the fullest silently from here, the little heart in me can assure you that I am fine with the wall. 

               Until then, have yourself a wonderful day somewhere out there. 


p.s

In 512 letters I dedicated to you, the beauty you see in me is actually a reflection of you. 


For the other half of the sky,

The Half Moon Serenades.
26th of February 2017.

Sunday, February 19, 2017

Letters 511: Sparrowly Love

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly the essential invisible to the eyes."

- Antoine de Saint- Exupery (The Little Prince, 1943)


To whom I haven't met yet, 

           I am thankful for the many humble moments in my life. Day by day, it reminds me that the simplest thing often have the greatest value & the best of joy. Each morning as I put on my shoes before I leave for work, I prayed in my heart to God so that He can give me the power to help those less confident to navigate through the hardest part of their life.

           Dear hummingbird, not everything about life is full of high notes. I have been struggling with a number of inconveniences this week, at work place & private life. There are times when I feel like giving up because I do not seem to be able to help my client & at the same time, I went down with flu & chronic all over my mouth. But those hard moments pass when I remind myself that it is possible to get through even the darkest night when one has the light of hope shining within.

           In two months time, I will be one year older. People said as our age added up, we will sit back & watch life happen to other people. To be honest, I am not that kind of person. I viewed myself as someone who just wants to know things, feel things & understand things. You know, the kind of person who can't even close their eyes for a second for fear of missing it.

           For the past three months, I shared with you every week about my efforts in courting someone. Unfortunately, I did not have any good news to share with you as things clearly did not get any better. Silence I discover is something that I can actually hear. If I knew it gonna be like this, I might reconsider the decision to be honest & opening up. But it happens. I fell for someone & I decided to let her know about it. I guess time is the only answer for her silence.       

            Until then, wherever you are in this world, always remember that the only limits for tomorrow are the doubts you have today. You will be my angel one day, someday. Have a wonderful weekend there.


p.s

All endings are also beginnings. We just do not know it all the time.


For the other half of the sky,

The Half Moon Serenades.
19th of February 2017.      

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Letters 510: A Time to Love

"I I could dream at all, it would be about you."

- Stephenie Meyer (Twilight, 2005)


To whom I haven't met yet,

           Today is 14th of February, popularly known worldwide as Valentine's Day. Those of us who without other half may not fully appreciate the beauty of a bouquet of roses, but it is really true that on this day, love shines brightest in the dark. 

           Love is not all sunshine. There are times when we feel like we are walking through very dark alleys. Today, as I opened the newspaper at my office, I saw a piece of news regarding one husband having extra-marital relationship with a secondary school girl while his wife was on confinement period. Sad right? Some guys in this world did not how to show appreciation to their wife who gave birth to their offspring. At times like this, I believe it is only natural that his wife yearn to see the light of love for one more time.

           Dear hummingbird, I have, in the past 4 years, felt like I was walking through a very dark alley with no end in sight. I thought of giving up in finding you. But life is full of miracles. It is always when I am at the lowest ebb that something invariably happens. Few months ago, I opened up my feelings to someone. It was a huge relieve for me. I told her about things that I wanted to share with you for quite sometimes. Many a story shared may not be remembered by her today but they are the stories that truly matter. 

            There are times when I felt it will be a useless thing to do. It is like an ordinary sparrow going head to head with the majestic eagles that soars above everyone. But I am thankful for the many humbling silence from her lately. They are reminder to me that simplest confession often came with turbulence response but deep in the heart, it also bring the greatest joy. 

            These are experience that add new perspectives & feed the soul. It added strength & teach me to count my blessing by loving others. Until the day arrived, I will continue my journey in search of you. I wish you nothing but the best in your life wherever you are in this world.


p.s

The heart is not like a box that gets filled up. It expands in the size the more I loved you.


For the other half of the sky,

The Half Moon Serenades.
14th of February 2017.
           

Thursday, February 9, 2017

Letters 509: Trial & Sorrow

"People say that eyes are windows to the soul."

- Khaled Hosseini (The Kite Runner, 2003)


To whom I haven't met yet,

           Few days ago, I took the elderly cleaner at my office for a quick lunch at the newly opened Japanese restaurant at The Top. It was unplanned lunch as early in the morning, I overheard the conversation between her & another cleaner about her upcoming birthday outing with eldest son. 

           Over the next hour, we chatted about almost everything. It was a wonderful eye-opening experience. The irony of it all was that this old lady had been the cleaner at my place for the past two years & I had no time to treat her for a lunch other than simple hello even though she was the first person I would meet the moment I stepped into the office. 

           On the other hand, yesterday I went to the shelter home with a big cheesecake to celebrate one of the orphan birthday. Halfway there, I accidentally dropped that cheesecake on the seat of my car. Well, as there was no other alternative, I went to Starbucks & purchased a new cheesecake, doubled the price. The girl requested for a new shirt but I ended buying four new shirts for her (blame it on my lack of shopping skills).
          
           Anyway hummingbird, in the noon, few clients asked me to accompany them for karaoke session in Queensbay Mall. They even put RM 1000 on the table with a bet that I can't belt out the song without looking at the lyrics. But little that they know I actually can & they ended poorer by RM 1000. It is not a lot of money but I do not mind belting out rap songs too if they doubled up the bet. 

            About her, saying those words actually turned out to be a wonderful diversion in the journey of my life. To be honest, whether she will respond to the words or simply ignoring it does not matter as for me, my main hope is that she lived her life to the fullest wherever she ended up one day. But of course, sometimes we chatted a lot too. She mentioned about how bored she is with her current life. All I can say to her is to be patience & let the life color itself. I liked her, all of her. Her flaws, her mistakes, her silly questions, her imperfections. I wish that she will never stop believing in herself.

            Until then, have yourself a wonderful life out there. 


p.s

Always remember, behind every trial & sorrow, He makes us stronger. God always have a reason.


You will be the apple of my eyes,

The Half Moon Serenades.
9th of February 2017.

Saturday, February 4, 2017

Letters 508: Of Journey, Hope & Love

"Some birds are not meant to be caged."

- Stephen King (Rita Hayworth & the Shawshank Redemption, 1982)


To whom I haven't met yet, 

              For me, everyone needs a break once in awhile. The basic understanding is that people who are less stressed are healthier, happier & livelier. Well, I am not sure whether everyone shared the sentiment with me, but I reckon that all of us can actually have a long break if we try harder. 

               Each time I asked my colleagues to get away for recharge, they will always give me tonnes of excuses. Yours truly here however is completely a different person from them. At least one month in a year, I will take a month long break from the work & go on vacation in places around Malaysia or if God permitted, any countries in this world. Occasionally during my trip, I get a chance to talk to strangers. I heard stories from there, some is a joy to listen, but mostly a heart-breaking one.

                Indeed my hummingbird, life is all about making choices. We may occasionally make the wrong turns. I did tonnes of wrong turns in my life. But I take those detours as useful lessons until my life truly enriched with positiveness. I guess the secret to living in a busy world is to slow down & make time for ourselves. I am thankful for all those trips that I did for the past few years.

                  Currently I am in pursuit of happiness. In fact things in picking up quite faster that I expected in business. Not a single day passed by without me saying thank you to the Power above for making things easier day in day out. Hopefully everything will be just fine through the year of 2017. 

                   Talking about hope, I can only wish that the girl I currently courted remain hopeful in her life. I know it is not easy for people at her age to make life changing decision. But I hope she embrace the reality that every day is a new beginning. I believe if she put a high hope in her life, she will see that everything is not so hopeless after all. It is like when we looks at things with our heart & not just with our eyes or hearsay from others, a different picture emerges. In case you ever stumbled upon this paragraph (I believe you know who you are), never give up & follow your heart in making decision, will you? :)

                     Until then, put in your heart the fact that all this 508 letters was in fact, part of a journey in search of you. Only when we can love in tough times then we will able to love in good times.


p.s

I wish the best of life for you, without asking for anything, but to be okay. That is love that I found in my heart.


Yours truly,

The Half Moon Serenades.

4th of February 2017.